Oh Canada... it looks like the twins won’t be paying you a visit just yet
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
MY BABY book’s development chart says Thomas and Emma should react accordingly to the command ‘no’. Experience tells me they don’t care what I say.
If I shout ‘no’, the best I can hope for is a momentary pause before they continue playing with the plug socket, or whatever dangerous object they’ve found now.
I don’t think they’re falling behind their peers, but I still did what I always do when anxious and searched the internet, which only ever makes everything worse. You’d think I’d learn but instead I turned a minor concern into an obsession.
A link to Canadian Citizenship and Immigration Centre baby development documents came up and I, like a fool, clicked on it.
Its official forms stated that a one-year-old should be walking unaided upon physical examination.
Unfortunately, the twins are yet to manage this.
Personally, I think they’re doing alright and anyway, technically, they have still got a couple of weeks left before they hit one – as they were premature – but it appears Canada has an issue with crawling one-year-olds. It’s a real shame as I’d always wanted to see the bears over there. Another test on these official baby development documents suggests they should be able to release a cube into a cup after a demonstration.
I felt this more cerebral activity is probably something
they’d handle a little better, rather than the simple task of walking.
So I carefully demonstrated the delicate art of placing a cube in a cup then let them take the floor.
Thomas put the cube in his mouth, choked and was sick. Emma threw her cube at Thomas.
Canada was off the list. They wouldn’t even let these two off the plane. Later in the day, I informed Victoria Canada was a no-go zone because of the twins.
‘Are we challenging them enough?’ she replied. After a moment’s thought, I realised it’d be difficult to challenge them more, when you’re one, everything is a challenge.
The pair of them struggle to drink out of a bottle. They’ve got more challenges than they need.
Yes, Canada says they should be able to walk but let’s have a look at my adult development chart.
You’d think I, as a fully grown adult, should be able to answer more than one question on University Challenge but I can’t. Some days I struggle with Pointless.
And hula hooping. Theoretically, this is a skill I should have mastered long ago, but no.
Therefore, we’re going to focus on making sure they’re happy, in the hope they’ll be fully toilet trained by the time they’re two, defying all the charts and ensuring I don’t ever have to change a nappy again.
Crawl or nothing: Unaided walking is not on the twins’ agenda right now