The bat­tle rages on as Emma and Thomas strug­gle to be named top twin

Gloucestershire Echo - - FAMILY MATTERS -

IT’S been a tough few weeks de­cid­ing which twin is the best.

In the good old days, Emma took the top spot on a daily ba­sis, but she’s los­ing it in her old age. Un­for­tu­nately, she’s dis­cov­ered the gen­tle art of ma­nip­u­la­tion.

Ob­vi­ously, this is a pos­i­tive thing for the fu­ture, es­pe­cially in the work­place, but not in the kitchen at 7am. All the weapons in her ar­moury are brought out to en­sure Emma gets what Emma wants. The most an­noy­ing weapon is the tor­mented cry­ing, which

goes on un­til I ca­pit­u­late and hand what­ever toy, food or ob­ject over to her.

Emma’s de­mand­ing na­ture and abil­ity to make my life dif­fi­cult is very dif­fer­ent to Thomas’ ap­proach. He points and grunts at what­ever he re­quires and makes far less of a scene. Jok­ingly, I sug­gested this might be a sex-linked ge­netic trait to Vic­to­ria, but she didn’t reg­is­ter it be­cause she was telling me to take the bin out.

Emma has also started to con­trol Thomas by bit­ing him if he steps out of line.

Al­though un­nerv­ing at first, I’ve Googled ‘ba­bies bit­ing’ and am now con­fi­dent it’s not a warn­ing sign of psy­chopa­thy.

How­ever, poor Thomas crawls away in fear when she swag­gers up to him with a mis­chievous smile bar­ing her small teeth.

Phys­i­cally, Emma’s out in front with her jerky, al­though func­tional, walk­ing. On the other hand, Thomas has given up with the two feet thing and re­verted back to crawl­ing, on the ba­sis it’s quicker.

What he lacks in walk­ing, he makes up for with his abil­ity to climb. He can scale a large sofa with ease and likes noth­ing more than to try and as­cend var­i­ous house­hold ob­jects, with lit­tle or no ap­pre­ci­a­tion of the dan­ger in­volved.

In terms of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, there’s very lit­tle to sep­a­rate them as they’re both fairly in­de­ci­pher­able with gen­eral con­ver­sa­tion con­sist­ing of gar­bled non­sense.

Al­though maybe Emma is bet­ter at the ac­tions to Incy Wincy Spi­der but Thomas does an ex­cel­lent ‘Hello’, ac­com­pa­nied by a wav­ing ac­tion.

They’re also on a par with ta­ble man­ners, both ter­ri­ble but Emma is quicker at eat­ing. Thomas eats rice by the grain, whereas Emma hap­pily shov­els fist­fuls into her mouth. We’re per­plexed as to where she’s picked up such glut­tony, but it’s vaguely rem­i­nis­cent of how I eat crisps.

In con­clu­sion, there’s only one an­swer and that’s to say it’s a dead heat in this week’s race to be top twin. What I would say is watch this space be­cause Thomas is look­ing like a safe bet for the fu­ture.

It’s hard to know ex­actly where Emma picked up her eat­ing habits

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