It was up to us to get to the bot­tom of the prob­lem. Time for nappy cream!


Gloucestershire Echo - - FAMILY MATTERS - Richard IRVINE

IT was a nor­mal Thurs­day af­ter­noon. There was no telling of the drama about to un­fold un­til the nurs­ery rang.

Noth­ing ever good comes of an un­ex­pected call about the twins. My heart started to beat a lit­tle faster and my face prick­led with per­spi­ra­tion.

“Hello, it’s Zoe. Noth­ing to worry about but Thomas has had two watery nap­pies in the last hour,” she said.

“Oh dear, no way to live a life,” I said as­sum­ing a watery nappy re­lated to some­thing phys­i­cal rather than a Pam­pers man­u­fac­tur­ing fault.

“I’ve spo­ken to Kath, the man­ager, and if he goes again in the next half hour, I’m sorry, you’ll have to col­lect him,” she said apolo­get­i­cally.

“We can only pray for him now,” I said and laughed a lit­tle too much.

Ac­cord­ing to my phone, the nurs­ery rang at 2.39pm so we had till 3.09pm for Thomas to keep a clean sheet.

In the grand scheme of things 30 min­utes is noth­ing and be­fore I knew it, a full 14 had passed.

I heard a voice say, “are you al­right?”.

A col­league was con­cerned be­cause I’d been un­re­spon­sive, and ig­nored the of­fer of bis­cuits, since the phone call.

I ex­plained ev­ery­thing was fine but just needed an­other 16 min­utes to pass be­fore nor­mal ser­vice would be re­sumed.

An­other three min­utes down. It was 2.56pm now and still no phone call.

And then it was 3pm and we were on the home straight.

“He’s go­ing to make it, even if he goes now, they might miss it and it’ll be 3.09pm” I thought.

At 3.02pm still no con­tact so went to buy some cel­e­bra­tory crisps from the vend­ing ma­chine.

And then the phone rang – at 3.04pm.

“Hi, he’s gone again but he’s

fine, his bot­tom looks red so get some Su­docrem and he’s not al­lowed back for 48 hours af­ter it clears up,” Zoe said in a cheery but con­cil­ia­tory man­ner.

Un­for­tu­nately, this meant bal­anc­ing work and a poorly child, but at least to­day was cov­ered be­cause Vic­to­ria was work­ing from home so could col­lect him early.

Although she did make a valid point about why she had to sac­ri­fice her work­ing day, but I pointed out I’d al­ready paid for 12 hours park­ing so didn’t want to waste the money.

De­spite my best ef­forts to lengthen my own time in work, it wasn’t long be­fore I ar­rived home to find Thomas on his fifth nappy and Vic­to­ria scream­ing for more wet wipes while shout­ing “it’s never go­ing to stop”.

“At least Emma’s fine,” I said and we both laughed be­cause we knew the clock was tick­ing and it was only a mat­ter of time.

Your turn, dar­ling

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