They weren’t kid­ding when they said hav­ing

DOU­BLE TROU­BLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

Gloucestershire Echo - - FAMILY MATTERS - Richard IRVINE

“THOMAS is def­i­nitely ex­cited,” Vic­to­ria said.

“Re­ally, how does he know it’s his birth­day to­mor­row?” I of­fered in a sus­pi­cious tone.

“I’ve been telling him for the past few weeks,” Vic­to­ria said with a se­ri­ous ex­pres­sion.

This didn’t con­vince me ei­ther of the twins were aware they were about to turn two.

Nor would they un­der­stand how my life had gone from self­ish­ness to self­less­ness. This ex­is­tence was all they’d ever known, but I can still re­call those hal­cyon days, when I only had to worry about my­self go­ing to the toi­let.

It’s in the dim past but just in case the twins are ever cu­ri­ous, here are just of a few of the ways in which life has changed: ■ Lunch is not re­ally a meal any­more but a col­lec­tion of things the twins don’t want. ■ These ‘meals’ are mostly eaten stand­ing by the fridge or while pick­ing food off the floor.

■ Go­ing out for din­ner in a restau­rant is still pos­si­ble, as long as you’re done in less than 20 min­utes, take toys and don’t ex­pect to eat.

■ My house is no longer my cas­tle but more a large, very full stor­age box.

■ The clean­li­ness thresh­old has fallen to the ex­tent there’s been some dried yo­ghurt on the din­ing room wall I don’t think will ever be dealt with.

■ A de­sire to make it through the next cou­ple of years is

And re­lax: Work is now a nice break from it all

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