If I had known I would have ended up feeling like this, I may not have played rugby at all
Former Gloucester player Neil Spence talks about how the concussions and head injuries he suffered in his career affect his life now
IF I am frank about it, I’ve lost count of the number of concussions and head injuries I have had through my career.
In fact, I used to judge how well I had played based on how fuzzyheaded I felt at the end of a game. I have been told by people that when I played, I’d put my head where some people wouldn’t even put their feet on a daily basis! Total madness.
“I first started to take note of my symptoms back in 2012 after a nasty bang on the head during a game which left me with a constant headache.
My GP sent me for a CT scan, but there was no abnormality.
She also put me on anti-depressants and beta blockers to help with the anxiety that I was feeling.
“2014 was a bad year. I was suffering terribly with mood swings, anxiety attacks, depression and anger issues. I felt like my head was going to explode.
I would feel angry and frustrated at even the smallest obstacles.
“My fiance Sarah often says that I have lost my fun side.
I used to be the life and soul of the party, but I feel that side of me is lost forever.
Sarah will regularly find items in odd places in the house, I might put something meant for the fridge in the dishwasher and vice-versa.
I also am prone to violent verbal outbursts and regularly forget what I am talking about.
My speech has become slurred at times and Sarah and the kids complain I mumble and will sometimes stop speaking midsentence.
“The pressure of my personality changes grew too much for us during lockdown.
Sarah works for the NHS, while I was at home doing home schooling for my son Zac, aged 11, and nine-year-old daughter, Millie.
I was at breaking point and moved out for two months, but we’re back together now fighting this diagnosis together.
“I still love the game of rugby, but if I had known I would have ended up feeling like this, I may not have played at all.”