What you can do to help

Doula Anna Lyons advises on what is important to people at the end of their lives:

◆ Be there. Listen. Really listen to them. Listen without an agenda. Don’t try to fix the unfixable, just hear them.

◆ Don’t be afraid to ask some tricky questions. Ask them what they need. Don’t guess what you think they want.

◆ Perhaps write a ‘death plan’ with them. Having an outline is more likely to help them get what they want.

◆ Don’t disenfranchise them. Often people want to carry on as they always have. Find ways to help them without taking over.

◆ Don’t be afraid to ask the medical team questions or to ask for further explanations if you don’t understand what they’re saying.

◆ Support the things they want to do. It’s their death. It should be treated with deference.

◆ Tell people you love them. Tell them how important they are to you.

◆ Carers need to take care of themselves. Be gentle with yourself. It’s a cliché, but it’s impossible to look after someone if you don’t look after yourself.