‘There will be lots of laughter this year – no wallowing!’
The end of her marriage was sudden and painful, and left SUE EDWARDS feeling lost and adrift. But with the help of friends and family, she now has the confidence to follow her own dreams
Last Christmas I put on my festive jumper as I normally do, and tried to smile my way through dinner at my sister’s house. But inside my heart was breaking. Months earlier, my husband, Richard, had told me he was walking away from our marriage. We should have been celebrating our silver anniversary with a special holiday. Instead, it was cancelled.
Richard and I met at university. We dated for a few weeks then drifted apart after graduating, but a year later sparks flew when we met up, and we got engaged within a month. By then he had joined the RAF. We married and I settled into a teaching career. We moved all over the world and had our two sons, Laurie and Nick. Richard’s demanding career meant that I had to be flexible, and my ambitions fitted in with the family.
Richard retired in April 2015, and I thought it would be our chance to finally have a more settled life. However, the opposite happened when he told me our marriage was over. I was devastated: I knew we had problems, but I was still completely in love with him.
When he left for good, I turned to my friends and family for support. My sister Claire had tickets to the V Festival and she dragged me along. ‘Just try it for a couple of days,’ she told me. I love music and I’d never been to a festival, so I thought, why not? It helped that The Proclaimers were performing – I’ve always loved them and I managed to get right to the front. When they played Over And Done With, something in the lyrics really struck me. I decided right then that I had to move on. I couldn’t spend my life mourning this man. With our two sons at university, I realised this was my time.
For my 50th birthday last February, I threw a big party. It was an important milestone for me: my friend died of cancer a couple of years ago aged 48, and knowing that I was getting time that she hadn’t had made me even more determined to get the most from my life. I booked a cottage in the Lake District for a week and invited friends and family to stay. It was fantastic: we went for walks, cooked meals together and did karaoke. It reminded me how lucky I am to have such wonderful people around me, who will support me through the hardest times.
As well as taking on a promotion at work, I decided it was time to return to writing. A few years ago I started a novel, but I’d put it to one side. I asked a couple of trusted friends to read what I had written so far, and after looking at the pages, they told me I had to keep going with it. Even if it never gets published, I’ll have done something for myself and I’m so proud.
Last Christmas was hard. I put on a brave face but it hurt so much. This year will be completely different. The boys will be with their dad, and in the run-up to the big day I’m planning to go somewhere special on my own. I can see myself wandering around a German market like the ones I visited when we lived there. I’ve planned trips to Thailand and Australia, and I’ll also be performing with my choir at Ripon Cathedral, which is always incredible.
On Christmas Eve I’ll go to Midnight Mass, and then on the day itself I’ll be at my sister’s house again, but this year I won’t be wallowing. Mum and I will be in the kitchen whipping up a feast and there’ll be lots of laughter. And I’ll be welcoming 2017 and the chance to live every day as fully as I can with people who love me.
I had to move on – I couldn’t spend my life mourning this man