SANDI TOKSVIG
is grateful for some good advice….
I’ve been writing a column for this august publication since the world was in black and white and everyone lived in fields. It’s a funny thing, a column. Your words lie as the very last thought in an otherwise carefully-constructed periodical and what you say ought to matter. The concept of the Opinion Piece was invented by an American newspaper man called Herbert Bayard Swope back in 1921, when he found success with his startling decision ‘to print opinions, ignoring facts’. He was clearly ahead of his time.
Today, ignoring facts is the modern way. We are Post-truth, apparently, but I’m old-fashioned and still like a straightforward piece of information. I rely on Good Housekeeping to tell me how to clean my cheese grater (use a pastry brush), where to put my sofa (depends on the size of the room) and how to stop children having tantrums (don’t have kids). Okay, I made the last bit up, but you get the drift.
GH has been dispensing invaluable advice for 95 years here in the UK and 132 years in the US. Some of the early tips have possibly faded in value. For example, I pass on the informative tit-bit ‘Never smoke a cigar on an empty stomach’ less than I used to, but I continue to delight in the instruction that ‘Well-ventilated bedrooms prevent morning headaches and lassitude’. I haven’t had lassitude for ages, so there must be a positive mistral blowing through my sleeping quarters.
I’ve reached that age where, occasionally, I’m asked for my advice – and I always think I ought to have some ready. They say age comes with wisdom, but there are days when I fear age has come on its own.
These days, I like rather straightforward suggestions. The great American writer Erma Bombeck wrote, ‘Never have more children than you have car windows’, and anyone who has ever been trapped on a family outing in a Ford Mondeo on the M25 will see the sense in it.
Years ago, I met the Dalai Lama’s brother. It had never occurred to me that he might have a brother, but there’s no reason why not. I suppose even Buddha might have been spurred on to spiritual enlightenment following a childhood of sibling rivalry. Anyway, I met Dalai’s brother while I was sailing round Britain on an old and leaky boat. (I can’t say I had a good time. It took three months and if I do have one piece
of solid advice it’s don’t do it.) The nice fellow was a monk dressed in robes, who impressed me by having a matching cover for his mobile phone. I asked him for advice to help me on my relentless and unpleasant journey. ‘Be of the moment,’ he said. I pondered this for years. I didn’t really know what he meant, but I do now. Stop wishing away time. Stop harking back or longing for the future. I tell the younger generation: instead of tweeting and texting people who are not with you that you are having a wonderful time, try having a wonderful time with the people you are actually with.
My beloved father passed away many years ago and the only words of wisdom he passed on that I can recall are ‘One martini is not enough, two is plenty and three is too many’ and ‘Never trust a man in a ready-made bow tie’. Both thoughts have proved true, but I can’t say either really fitted me for life. What he did give me, however, was an unswerving belief in being passionate. That a life lived in the bland and the beige is less than it might be. Have a full colour, full-on experience, or don’t bother. Dare to fail and dare to be different. I’ve been different all right, as the Daily Mail shudders to attest, but I still think I lack sufficient boldness.
I was in San Francisco recently speaking at a conference when I saw a man walking down the street wearing only a feather boa and carrying a handbag. Other than that he was entirely naked. I was shocked.
‘Did you see that?’ I said to my friend, open-mouthed.
My friend shook her head in disbelief. ‘I know! That handbag didn’t match that boa…’
It made me laugh so much. We watched the naked fellow swan off down the road. He seemed entirely happy. Good for him. Be who you need to be. Grab life by the throat. That is the best advice of all.
Dare to fail and dare to be different!