ME… AND MY HOUSEKEEPING!

Caitlin Moran reveals all

Caitlin Moran lives in north London with her husband, Pete, their two daughters, who are 17 and 14, and a cockapoo called Luna.

How tidy is your house?

Very. I believe that life is a to-do list and I extend that to every part of my life. My quest is to make sure that everything has a place and everything is in its place.

When was the last time you cleaned your bathroom?

About 20 years ago! I wouldn’t have the career I have if I had to deal with limescale on a daily basis!

What is your signature dish?

I am an amazing cook and my signature dish is Nigella Lawson’s Sauternes Custard. You make it with Sauternes dessert wine and she says you have to cook it until it’s as wobbly as a courtesan’s inner thigh, which is what I do. And there is also a Hemsley + Hemsley recipe for Avocado Lime Cheesecake that I make for the kids. They go nuts for it.

Cook for friends or go out for dinner?

I prefer cooking at home. I like to access my own toilet and I like to be able to choose my own drink. I can’t drink wine any more because it turns me into a crazy lady, so in order to drink cider, I stay at home.

Who would you invite to a dinner party?

My friends, because they tell very long anecdotes, drink and are happy. So I would invite radio DJ Lauren Laverne, journalist Sali Hughes, the novelist John Niven, Guy Garvey, who is lead singer of Elbow, Tim Minchin, who wrote the lyrics for Matilda The Musical, the comedian Matt Berry, composer David Arnold and actor Michael Sheen.

Are you a saver or a spender?

I am a spender. I don’t have a single penny of savings. I always want to have to work.

What lifts you out of a mood?

I just say to myself, ‘Get out of this mood.’ I am quite a good disciplinarian.

What is your health motto?

Do what feels good. I do yin yoga, which is about holding positions for a long time to stretch. I like to do it on the carpet at home watching Jeremy Kyle on TV. It’s lovely. I also like jumping into cold lakes and going on long walks with the dog.

Are you a hoarder or do you throw things away?

I’m a ‘thrower-awayer’ – the dynamic in our relationship is that my husband buys things or brings things home from skips, and my role is to come in and throw them away.

What did you learn from your parents?

My father always said that if you got into a conversation that turned difficult, you should start talking about jazz because it confuses people. That definitely works.

What advice will you hand down to your daughters?

Do the thing that needs to be done at the time it needs to be done. If you are on holiday there is no point in worrying about school and if you are at school there is no point in daydreaming about your holiday. Be present in your life at the time that you are in.

What is the secret of a happy house?

Having a dog and having one TV programme that the whole family can watch and slag off together.

What do you always have in your fridge?

Butter. I believe in applying butter to things in slices. It should be so thick that you can see teeth marks when you bite in to it.

How often do you change your bedclothes?

My cleaner is always trying to change them, but I don’t mind having the same sheets for a month!

What is at the top of your to-do list?

I want to find a way to have more sparrows in my garden. When I was a child, the world was full of birds and now I only have a few in my garden. I really want to change that. ◆ How To Be Famous by Caitlin Moran (Ebury Press) is out now

I believe that life is a to-do list