THE FRIENDS I’D LIKE TO THANK
Friendship can be found in the smallest of moments, especially when life throws you challenges, as commissioning editor Ella Dove knows only too well…
GH’S Ella Dove found some true friends when tragedy struck
I’ve never been short of friends. I’m a talkative person with a thirst for people and places, so I’ve always had a very busy and active social life. I have my school friends, my university friends, my work friends and those I’ve met through clubs, such as choir, creative writing and Spanish lessons. I relish being surrounded by people.
When tough times strike, we all look to those closest to us. We expect our friends to rally round, offering wisdom, humour and, crucially, support in our time of greatest need. Of course, many of them do just that, but sometimes we receive support from people we don’t expect. Trauma and grief come with a hefty dose of perspective, giving us glaring new insight into who our real friends actually are and who we can rely on. I know, because it happened to me.
In May 2016, when I was 25, I had an accident that changed my life. As I have written about before in GH, I fell over while jogging, shattering my knee and cutting off the blood supply to my foot. It resulted in the amputation of my right leg below the knee.
Those early days were dark and full of fear; I couldn’t imagine how my life would ever be normal again. I was the same person, yet friends I’d known for years changed in front of my eyes.
Some became robotic and mechanical, offering a pat on the head and kind words behind glazed expressions. Others were too loud, too emotional or subconsciously spoke down to me as I sat in a wheelchair. One even cooed and squeezed my cheeks as though I were a baby. But the hardest part was dealing with the people who stayed away, those who later told me that they didn’t know what to say, so decided to say nothing at all.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded what my friends said to me. It was enough to know that they were there by my side. Thoughtful acts gave me the greatest of joys: a letter from a long-distance pal or a personalised card with nostalgic photos that evoked happy memories, reminding me that things would get better.
What surprised me was that those who helped the most weren’t always the people I expected. Members of my local church in Kent turned up at my parents’ house with home-made lasagnes and casseroles, while school friends I hadn’t heard from in years offered heartfelt messages of support through social media. The love I felt for these well-wishers often made me tearful. When hardship descends, you definitely discover your true friends. And now I want to say thank you to each of them…