‘LOVE & HOPE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS WE HAVE’
TV presenter Kate Garraway opens up to Nathalie Whittle about her husband’s battle with coronavirus, learning to accept help and how she stays positive
Kate Garraway on the importance of staying positive in challenging times
Many of us have watched in awe of Kate Garraway over the past turbulent year. We have marvelled at the strength and positivity she has shown as her husband of 15 years, Derek Draper, has battled the long-term impact of Covid-19. He is now the UK’S longest-surviving patient, having been diagnosed in March last year, and doctors are unsure whether he will ever fully recover.
On our cover shoot, there are few visible signs of the personal struggle Kate has endured. She arrives after a busy morning on air hosting Good Morning Britain and her Smooth Radio show, and she’s chatty and cheery, her eternal optimism seemingly undeterred. ‘You have to find the joy in life, however bad the situation is,’ she says. And it’s clear that Kate practises what she preaches.
As we sit down to chat, she’s honest about the impact Derek’s illness has had on her and their children, Darcey, 14, and Billy, 11. But also about how, in the throes of crisis, she’s found comfort in the most unexpected things and places: in planting seeds in the garden of their family home in London, hosting tea parties over Zoom and forming new friendships with her neighbours. Here, she shares how she’s remained hopeful in the most uncertain times.
We’ve been following Derek’s battle and hoping for positive news. How is he?
We’re really hoping we’re on some kind of trajectory of improvement. It’s very much two steps forward, three steps back, but if I think back to where we were in March 2020, when Derek’s lungs were solid with infection and his infection rates were the highest doctors had seen in anyone who has lived, we’re undoubtedly in a more positive place. What we’re learning with Covid-19 damage is that it’s not just about whether you survive; it’s about whether you can return to the person you were before, and I think we’re learning more about that as time goes on. I have hope though and, right now, love and hope are the most important things we have. What’s kept you hopeful during this time?
I’m a big believer that where there is life, there is hope, and not everyone has been fortunate enough to have that during the
I’ve found kindness in the most unexpected places
I’m just muddling through and hoping Derek gets better
pandemic, so I feel lucky. We all knew how precious life was before all this, but we get so distracted by the moans and groans of life – whether it’s that we hate our new haircut or we’re worried about paying the bills. When you’re faced with something like this, it’s a stark reminder not to take anything for granted, no matter how bad things are.
You’ve shown amazing strength. Where does that come from?
I don’t think I do have strength, if I’m honest! But, what’s the alternative? You can’t fold, can you? It doesn’t mean to say I don’t cry about it all. I feel that if Derek does get better and comes home, I’m going to say to him, ‘Okay, you’re better, now I’m having my crisis!’
What has helped you carry on?
On a day-to-day basis, the children have been amazing because even without meaning to, they give you a reason to get up and get on. They still need their breakfast and their schoolbooks, and their clothes washed. So that’s given me some routine, which has been so important. Returning to work made a huge difference, too. It gave me a flavour of normality again, and a chance to step outside my own situation and share in other people’s stories. Knowing that there are other people out there struggling makes me want to keep going for them.
The support of the Good Morning Britain team must be a big help, too…
They’ve all been fantastic. Piers [Morgan] was the one who was there when I needed a kick up the backside in the beginning. I was feeling so low and he was like, ‘Garraway, get a grip, you can do this!’ Ben [Shephard] helped get the Christmas decorations ready when I felt like it would be too sad if it was just me, Darcey and Billy doing it, and Susanna [Reid] is brilliant because she says, ‘You don’t have to tell me how you’re feeling, or anything that’s going on, just tell me what you need.’
Kindness has never been more important. Have you felt that recently?
Absolutely. That’s been one of the positives of this horrible time, and I’ve found it in the most unexpected places. There’s a lovely lady who lives over the road from me and I didn’t know her before all this, but every week she makes a cake for me and the kids. Somehow she always knows when we most need a lift! We’ve really got to know each other because of it, too, and that’s been lovely.
In what ways have you been kinder to yourself?
I’ve become very aware that I’m the sole financial provider for my family and the sole parent and that forces you to think, ‘Okay, I have to take care of myself.’ One of the biggest changes is that I’ve learned to say ‘yes’ to help. Early on, Ben said to me, ‘Right, you have to stop this; you have to just say “yes” when people want to help.’ And I took his advice. I remember Susanna texting me when the kids were going back to school saying, ‘Can I go through my boys’ wardrobes and see if they’ve got any old clothes for Darcey and Billy?’ and I just said, ‘That would be amazing.’ And it was.
Do you have moments where you feel overwhelmed? If so, how do you move past that?
I have loads of moments when I think it’s all too much. I had one the other day; I came off air from GMB and I was sitting in the dressing room about to head off to do my radio show, and there was so much happening that it all felt too much. Ben came in and said, ‘Right, I’m off… are you all right?’ And I was like, ‘No, I don’t think I can do this, it’s just overwhelming.’ And he said, ‘Well, you have to, so off you pop.’ Funnily enough, that was exactly what I needed to hear!
How have you been looking after your mental wellbeing?
I have a couple of little rituals I’ve started doing – I call them Jedi mind tricks. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’ll look up at the sky and just focus on the infinite nature of it. I’ll think, ‘Okay, for the next five minutes, you’re going to live in that space and not in all the thoughts in your head.’ And when my mind is racing, I’ll find something to focus on – a flower or a tree – and I really study it. It’s amazing how quickly that can calm you down and give your brain a rest.
Have you found solace in nature?
The garden has become a huge part of our lives. When Derek got ill, it was our place for fun and letting loose and being free. Darcey got very into growing vegetables and we planted lots of seeds and bulbs. In many ways, it helps you cope with the length of time when someone is sick, and it gives you a sense of future, because you plant something with a firm belief that something will grow from it. We’re hoping that soon, we’ll be able to look out of the window at this crazy display of magical colour and say, ‘That’s what we did in the autumn and now it’s blooming.’
You’ve said that Derek is a big believer in laughter and silliness, too…
Yes, and that’s been essential to us as a family. When you’re going through something so terrifying, it can almost feel like you shouldn’t be laughing; I sort of feel guilty for doing it when Derek is so ill. But actually, I know he would say it’s important because it’s part of the process of coping. He would often be silly at the most frustrating times and
I’d be like, ‘This is not the right time, stop being stupid!’ And he’d say, ‘No Kate, this is exactly the moment to be silly.’
You met the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at last year’s
Pride Of Britain Awards and they commended you for your courage. How did that feel?
That was lovely; it’s wonderful that they even know who I am and what I’ve been through. They were so sweet to me and showed their compassion for Darcey and Billy because they imagined what it would be like for their own children. And Prince William knows exactly how hard it is to be without a parent and how it can affect you, so he shared his thoughts on that. Of course, they have a privileged and protected life compared with many of us, but it was a reminder that the loss of people you love and care about is something that unites us all.
How have you been coping as the sole parent?
I’m not sure I am coping! I honestly don’t know how single mums do it; it’s just so hard. A lot of the time I find myself thinking, ‘What would Derek say?’ and ‘What would Derek do?’ I’m lucky that I’m being supported by lots of friends, too, and Ranvir [Singh] has been really helpful because she’s been operating as a single mum since her son, Tushaan, was very little. I asked her, ‘How do you do it?’ and she said, ‘You just have to accept that you can’t do everything.’
It must be a lot to deal with…
I think the biggest challenge is having two of them with different needs. Darcey and Billy both want time with me and yet they both want to do different things, and I feel quite divided by that. When Derek was around, he’d have ‘dad and daughter’ days and ‘dad and son’ days and we’d split things between the two of us, so now I’m just muddling through and hoping he’ll come back. I’ve also had to do a lot more DIY than I ever thought possible!
Are you any good at it?
Not as good as I’d hoped I’d be, but Darcey is brilliant at it. We bought a clothes rail for her bedroom that we had to assemble ourselves and she was like, ‘Mum, you’re useless, let me do it!’ It’s incredibly tough for both of them, but she likes the fact that helping out with those things is making her feel more independent.
It must be particularly tough celebrating special occasions without Derek…
It’s very hard. There have been lots of them – each of our birthdays, and Billy started secondary school last September, which was difficult without Derek. But we try to include him in things as much as we can. We’ll set up Facetime for birthdays and sing Happy Birthday and blow out candles. And we’ll often set it up while we’re having tea together, so he can hear the chatter. We don’t know how much he can hear, but it’s got to be a familiar sound, hasn’t it? We just keep thinking, ‘He’s here, he’s alive, so he’ll be with us for the next one.’
You’re sharing some of the things you’ve learned in a self-help book. What can you tell us about it?
I started writing a book about wellbeing and all the things I’ve learned just before Derek got ill, and with everything that’s happened since, I’ve decided to include what I’ve been through with him and also what we’ve been through as a nation. I have to admit, I haven’t found the time to write much recently, but I’m hoping it’s going to be my project for 2021.
Has your own health become a bigger priority for you?
The last thing Darcey, Billy or Derek need is me getting sick. I’m not doing as much exercise as I’d like, but I’m trying to eat well, take vitamins and, strange as it sounds, I drink a lot of hot water. I started drinking it when I was in I’m A Celebrity because I wasn’t allowed tea, and it makes a big difference to how I feel.
You said the jungle made you realise that being braver is a good thing, too…
I feel like I shouldn’t have said that because the universe answered me! Forcing myself to do frightening things in the jungle was definitely good for my soul, and it made me believe I could do things I never dreamed possible. And flippin’ heck, I’ve had to put that knowledge into practice, haven’t I? So actually, maybe the jungle prepared me for getting through this…
Kate presents her Smooth Radio show, weekdays from 10am to 1pm. Good Morning Britain airs weekdays from 6am on ITV
William and Kate were so sweet to me