‘I FEEL AS THOUGH THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER’

Fern Britton talks to Nathalie Whittle about embracing being single again, her substitute grandson and her big plan to travel the world

Presenter and author Fern Britton on surviving tough times and looking forward to the future

The past three years have been somewhat turbulent for Fern Britton. In April 2018, her beloved mother, Ruth, passed away, followed in 2019 by her father, Tony. Then, in January 2020, she and TV chef Phil Vickery announced their decision to end their marriage after 20 years together. But when we catch up on Zoom, Fern is full of her characteristic unstarry warmth – she’s make-up free, with her hair scraped back and ‘full of oil’ from having her first massage in three years – and the determination that has carried her forward shines through. ‘I’m a work in progress, but I’m not frightened,’ she says resolutely. ‘I’m not frightened of anything. I know I can survive.’

Fern’s career continues to soar, with three new series for Channel 5 on the way. She’s hosting a reboot of the much-loved painting competition Watercolour Challenge, as well as documentaries exploring Cornwall and Scotland. She’s also writing her 10th novel, having recently celebrated her ninth, Daughters Of Cornwall, making it to number one on The Sunday

Times Bestsellers List. Now aged 64, Fern is clearly enjoying being busy, but her role as mum remains most important. During the course of our chat, she introduces me to her daughters, Grace, 24 (‘We’re tough birds,’ she chimes), and Winifred, 19. They spent the lockdowns with their mum in Cornwall, along with Grace’s new dog, a Chihuahua called James, which Fern lovingly refers to as ‘my grandson’. She is also mum to twin sons, Harry and Jack, 27.

Here, Fern explains why, after a tough few years, she’s embracing a future full of possibilities…

Yes, I’m not afraid of change. I discovered that quite early on because, growing up, I never quite knew what was going to happen next! The last three years have been very hard;

I lost my parents, I lost my marriage. I lost my other home in Buckinghamshire, too, because Phil lives there now and I’m in Cornwall. But the magic I’ve found here is incredible. I’ve made some wonderful girlfriends and that’s been a lovely surprise.

Have they been a big support?

Oh yes. About six months ago, I got a couple of decluttering experts in to help me sort through all the boxes of belongings that had been sent from my old house, much of which I couldn’t look at for a long time. That was a huge help, but I had about 10 boxes left over and the other day, two of the girls came over with some plastic boxes, labels and Sharpies, and they spent all day sorting through them with me. They’re very funny and on one of the boxes I noticed they’d written ‘Sex toys – to be sorted’, then crossed it out and put ‘Outdoor lights’. They really cheered me up!

So making Cornwall your permanent home has been a very positive change?

Definitely. The first house I ever bought was in Cornwall and I felt very at home there, but life got in the way – I followed my career and that took me all over the place. I think the thing that was driving me was to get back here. A few years ago, I thought, ‘The time has come, I’m ready now’ – and now here I am! I feel as though I’ve finally found my way home.

How have you found living on your own?

There’s an awful lot that I don’t miss at all, which is to do with the fact that my relationship got so different. Phil would always say about everything, ‘If it’s not right, it’s wrong.’ And I think that’s what came to us: it was wrong. Now I sit at home knowing I won’t be disturbed; that I can go to bed at 2pm if I want, and no one is going to say, ‘What are you doing?’ I can do precisely what I want when I want, which is rather nice.

Are you enjoying new rituals and routines?

Yes, I’ve started doing Zoom yoga! I do it two or three times a week and all I have to do is get out of bed, put my yoga mat down in the lounge, and off we go. Some of us in the class know one another; others are strangers, and I’m really enjoying having that little enclave of yoga friends. It’s great because it mellows you out!

Have there been any challenges?

Being wholly in charge of a situation and not having someone to discuss it with is a double-edged sword. I can say, ‘Let’s blow up the house and build something else,’ and I don’t have to justify it, which is great. But it’s also a big decision – and I have to arrange everything myself! I’m not lonely but I’m in this transition period where I’m working out what’s next for me. My approach has always been, head down, keep going, and for the first time in my life, I’m thinking, ‘Hang on, where shall I go now?’ – and that’s quite nice. Suddenly, the world is my oyster.

What do you wish you’d known 10 years ago?

Not to be afraid of what’s going to happen as you get older; that life goes on. I couldn’t imagine life without all the things I had: my parents, my marriage, another house. And now I’m down to just me, my children and my friends, and I count my blessings daily because life is good, and I love them all dearly.

What is the bravest thing you’ve done in your 60s?

About two years ago, I booked a cruise on the Queen Mary 2, to go from Southampton to New York and back again. Phil and I were due to go together as it was our wedding anniversary, but unfortunately things were unravelling, and my mum died. I thought, ‘Well, I’m going anyway,’ and I spent 10 days on my own on the ship. The crew would phone me up in my cabin and say, ‘It’s curry night, do you want to come down?’ Can you imagine anything more wonderful? When I’m 70, my plan is to get back on that ship and travel the world… by myself!

Do you have any regrets?

I feel as though I’ve finally found my way home to Cornwall

I do regret not being able to keep a marriage alive. I tried my best, but I’ve had two marriages end; perhaps I just wasn’t very good at being married. One of my daughters said to me recently, ‘Mum, I think perhaps you don’t need to be married’ – and I think she’s right!

Are you enjoying being single now?

Yes – at this stage of my life, it’s most pleasant. When I was younger, it was always, ‘Who will I marry and where’s my true love?’ But I’ve been lucky enough to be married to two very extraordinary men, and I don’t feel the need for any more. I don’t want to have to look after anybody. I’d like to be looked after, but I don’t want to do the looking after!

Are you open to dating again in the future?

I don’t know. I’ve been thinking it through: shall I stay single? Do I want to put myself in a situation where I could be unhappy again? There are times when I don’t know whether I ever want to be part of a couple again. One of my sons said to me, ‘Mum, I think in time, you’ll find a nice companion who will take you to the cinema and go for walks.’ And I thought, ‘Am I that old that I only get a companion?’ But I know what the children want; they want me to be settled, which I am. And they don’t want to worry about me, which I hope they don’t.

What is the most valuable relationship lesson you’ve learned?

Not to be afraid of failure. We all expect a marriage to be

I’ve learned not to rely on anyone else for happiness

70 years long and the love of your life and never a cross word and all that. But it isn’t that; it’s much, much harder. And I think as women are gaining more freedom, they’re the ones who are deciding to end their marriages because they are not giving them what they need or want. There’s an acceptance that it’s not a failure. What advice would you give others who are at the end of a long relationship?

Let yourself process it all – and that takes time. You can’t sit down for five minutes and think, ‘Oh yes, I’ve sorted that out.’ Never build up a big wall of resentment against a partner, either. You have to remember the good things, then you get a softer attitude to it all. You’ve talked about having therapy during difficult times in the past – do you still find that helpful?

Yes, I do. I’ve been talking to my therapist every week for about eight years now, and she’s amazing. After eight years, she knows everything, and she’s very calm – if she doesn’t like what I’m saying, she puts on quite a troubled face! There are often bits when I’m talking about painful stuff and I do get teary, but then somehow, we always end up laughing. What do you do if you’re having a difficult day now?

There are moments when I just go to bed for a couple of hours and go to sleep. That’s the best medicine for me. Otherwise, a walk up the lane will do, or a cup of coffee on the beach to help kick a few endorphins back in.

You celebrated 40 years in television last year and you’re now a bestselling author. Has anything ever fazed you in your career? Oh gosh, yes – every job is daunting! Doing my first ever news broadcast was terrifying; my first This Morning; writing my first novel – all of it. But I’ve learned that you have to shake yourself up and say, ‘Of all the people who could have been given the job, it’s you, so thank you very much.’ I always try to appear calm, too, because if a woman in a studio starts to look nervous, they’ll pass everything to the man. As you’re a woman, they think you’re hysterical, or premenstrual, or have a screw loose! You’ve had so much success – have there been any difficult moments?

Plenty! I’ve been fired a couple of times from jobs and thought, ‘Hmm.’ But then it toughens you up. The roughs in life make you much less precious about yourself, and that’s important. What ambitions do you have now?

Wouldn’t it be lovely if one of my books got picked up to be on television? That would be the icing on the cake – and it would pay for my cruise around the world! You’ve juggled your career with bringing up four children – what are they up to now?

Jack is working as a teacher; it’s been a very hard year for him with the pandemic, but he’s doing well. Harry is an artist and he’s got very into Buddhism recently, which seems to be making him very wise and calm. Grace has been working in the local farm shop, and Winifred is working at a beach cafe making wonderful coffee – and just being a good egg! You spent the lockdowns with Winifred and Grace – what was that like?

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the easiest, but the girls did pretty well through it. We all comforted one another, we snapped at one another – and we drank too much together! Did you enjoy some quality girl time?

Absolutely. The girls are very open about what’s going on in their lives and how they might think somebody’s rather lovely and somebody isn’t, so I get all of that – and it’s nice to live vicariously through their romances! The other night, we actually went and did some singing on the beach. Two women brought down an electric piano, and we were singing Don’t Look Back In Anger at half-past midnight. I was sitting on a bit of tree trunk thinking, ‘This must be heaven!’ You gained a ‘grandson’ recently, too…

Yes! During the first lockdown, Grace said, ‘Mum, there’s this little Chihuahua that needs a home,’ and the next minute he was here! I started off saying, ‘I’m not doing any dog duties. I have a life, girls; I’m writing and I need time to myself.’ Of course, I’m now hopelessly in love with him. Winnie is ‘Auntie’, Grace is ‘Mummy’ and I’m ‘Granny’. I’ll see him and go, ‘Did Auntie take you out today? Come to Granny!’ – it’s pathetic! What have you learned about happiness?

First of all, that you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child. But also, not to rely on anyone else for your happiness. Reassurance and reaffirmation doesn’t work, it comes from you thinking, ‘Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Yes, there are things I’m sorry about doing. But actually, I’m all right. I’m not too bad.’

 Fern’s book Daughters Of Cornwall (Harpercollins) is out now