‘Recognise the positives’
KEEP DOING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY:
One of the upsides of Pru’s condition – and you must always try to recognise the positives, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem – has been the amount of leisure time we have been able to spend together. We love spending time on our narrow boat. Because of her condition, Pru can’t always remember things, but you don’t always have to remember things on a canal – you can keep your mind vacant and just enjoy things as you see them. Rather than mourning the person I’m losing, I’ve found boating together allows me to concentrate on what’s still there. Pru loves it! She doesn’t help out with the locks like she used to, but she loves just watching the ducks and swans going by. It’s lovely to see her enjoying life.
STAY BUSY:
Ever since Pru’s dementia began to have a direct effect on our lives, I have endeavoured to ensure that we keep on doing the things that make us happy as often as we possibly can. Very little has changed. We still go to the theatre or to a concert (although Pru doesn’t remember anything about it afterwards), and we also visit museums and art galleries quite a bit (we are very lucky to have a driver who picks us up and drops us off).
KEEP ON COMMUNICATING:
It is important for us both to have something to look forward to, which in turn gives us something to talk about. And we do still talk to each other. Just because Pru can’t hear me very well and might forget what I’ve said in a matter of moments doesn’t mean I don’t want to tell her things, and vice versa. The two of us not communicating with each other would be unimaginable.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, TOO:
Fortunately, Pru is keen to take a nap once or twice a day, which means I am able to have a rest for a few hours. Pru also has very little concept of time and when she joins me in the living room after she’s woken up, we greet one another like a couple might after having been parted for several days. Familiarity no longer breeds contempt in Pru’s world, which sometimes helps to neutralise any such feelings I might have at having to continually repeat myself!
BE PATIENT:
The part I have always found the most challenging as a carer is remaining patient. I have never been good in this department, and time has done little to change that. I do try to keep everything in check. Not just for Pru’s sake, who these days forgets it all in a trice, but for my own, and for the sake of those around us. I don’t always get it right, of course. Who on earth does? I do always try, though. I’ve learned to try to look at things from Pru’s perspective – what might she be thinking? It’s not always easy to predict, but I think you just have to keep trying.