Polly Vernon

I’m in New York, on a little light Fashion Week business, which is as glamorous as it sounds, though also: discombobulating, lonely and jet-lagged. To break up the relentless weirdness of four days spent only in the company of people who don’t know me but will judge me for my seat allocation, I go for dinner with three legit fash industry friends: Beth, my friend from LA, K, my friend from London, and Kristen, Beth’s friend from New York. We discuss online dating, which Beth and Kristen are doing, K used to do before she met her boyfriend (not online), and I’ve never done. And this is when I learn about Text One Nighters. ME: What? KRISTEN: It’s where a guy texts you and texts you for 24 hours, then disappears. BETH: It’s the new one-night stand. ME: What do they text? Sexy stuff? Is it like a sexy texty one nighter? KRISTEN: No! BETH: I wish. K: It’s more like, one full day of digital emotional intimacy; then… nothing. KRISTEN: Fun stuff. Soul stuff. Song lyrics, childhood pets, cute jokes. BETH: Enough so you start to relate… KRISTEN: Drop your guard… K: And feel rejected when they stop. ME: They stop? KRISTEN, BETH AND K: YES! ME: Why would they stop? KRISTEN, BETH: WE DON’T KNOW! K: Although… I did wonder if they might be using porn for sex and this for fleeting, controlled emotional connection. ME: Emotion porn? KRISTEN, BETH AND K: YES! It’s diabolical, I think to myself. At least with one-night stands you get sex. But this half-arsed substitute for sex and love? ME: This is contemptuous! They can’t even be bothered to get off their arses, come over, have sex with you once, then never call you again! The utter bastards!

Then Kristen tells me about a guy she’s dating who is 6ft 3in, but lies about it in online chats to test girls he’s considering meeting up with, claiming to be an inch shorter than each of them… KRISTEN: And none of them meet him.

So, I think, there’s democracy across the gender divide in hideous online dating behaviour. Then I congratulate myself on living out a scene from a Sex And The City ep that never got made.