Chart of lust

This week, who we LOVE, want to TWEET, and, yes, even actually BE

1. UP HELEN T ITCHENER

Of The Archers fame, who last week was as acquitted of the crime of stabbing her emotionallyotionally abusive husband sband Rob, and hoorah! For a nation ation cheered!

2. NON- MOVER VICTORIA BECKHAM

Tricked into last place by a ruthless other- mother during a school sports day sprint. VB was also hobbled by her footwear choicehoice ( platforms).

3. NEW IN ALEKSANDRA MELNICHENKO

Serbian girl group member turned wife of an oligarch, whose super yacht is currently – casually - moored in n the Thames.es.

4. UP CARRIE B RADSHAW

Major ajor unofficial muse for the latest test Altuzarra show, and we hereby ereby declare it absolutely not too soon to revive her look!

5. UP DRAKE

Just bought a new house next door to his existing house, which has, among other things, five bathrooms, while his old house has nine, which means Drake now has 14 bathrooms! 14!

6. UP NIALL HOR ORAN

Our fave ofo 1D ( long story,s involves nipples);n last weekwe got Insta- h hacked by the peoplepe who hackedhack Tom Hiddleston’sHiddlesto account, becausebecaus we’re living in the future.

7. NEW IN MORGAN PITTS

Instagram sensation ( 34K followers, people), founder of the Black Girls Who Blog movement, an engine for social change and a style icon in one.

8. NON- MOVER WINNIE HARLOW

We recently ever so slightly stalked her up Broadway in New York, because she was just too beautiful for us not to.

9. NON- MOVER VER MEAT LOAF

Reports of his death were great greatly exaggerated by Katie Price on Loose Women, , wh who added, while interviewing him him: ‘ It’s good that yo you are still here.’ Well: quite.

10. DOWN N JAPANJAPA

Twen Twenty five years into whatw has been offi officially recognised as a ‘sex crisis’, experts predict the country will be extinct by August 37 3766, if somebody doesn doesn’t start having sex soon!