Help! I’ve got TMC*! [*Too Much Choice]
As #firstworldproblems go, Too Much Choice is right up there. But for Flora Carr, so-called ‘option anxiety’ is taking a genuine toll
I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT of myself as a decisive person. Calm, collected, works well under pressure. But increasingly I feel like I’m playing catch-up, driven by a niggling fear that something better is always around the corner. Having only just begun my postgraduate course, I find myself racked with doubt about it.
Recently, a job listing flashed across my phone screen in the middle of a date. A minute earlier I had felt content; my stomach full from good food and my limbs
loosened by wine. However, after reading the ad, I felt my throat tighten. Having signed up for notifications from a careers site, I can’t bring myself to turn them off. As I struggled to breathe, I realised my anxiety over choosing the perfect option – course or job – had me in a chokehold.
Experiencing some form of anxiety is far from uncommon. A recent study by Cambridge University found there are an estimated 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK – and women are twice as likely to experience it compared to men. Millennials are particularly prone: the same study revealed that men and women under the age of 35 are more likely to be affected than older people. Psychologist Dr Carolyn Mair told me that ‘the pressure for young women to have it all: beauty, sporting prowess, a great job’ has led to these higher rates of anxiety. From Tinder matches to multiple exercise and diet plans, every day we are overwhelmed by options. And the pressure to choose ‘perfectly’ is slowly manifesting itself into anxiety – or rather, option anxiety.
The pursuit of perfection and the fear of failure certainly dictate my decisionmaking. I become sidetracked and confused, doubting my own judgement. This anxiety is present whether I’m picking an internet provider, a restaurant on Deliveroo, or a film on Netflix.
But it’s life’s big decisions that can become agonising. Take my recent move to London. I was fraught with indecision over which borough to base myself in; consumed by the internal battle raging in my head, my thoughts backflipping with more agility than Simone Biles. Reminded of Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken, I’ll find myself at a crossroads – but instead of choosing a road and following it, I turn in endless circles.
At first glance, women in their twenties and thirties have never had it so good. In both our professional and personal lives, we have huge possibilities. Gone are the days of slowly ascending a single career ladder. Ours is the generation of ‘portfolio careers’; the ladder has been replaced with a playground assault course, with no prescribed route or even starting point. Entrepreneurship is the new promotion. Gone too are assumptions that a woman should be rushing to settle down. The ‘smug couple’ has been replaced with the ‘smug single’, whose travel adventures fill our Instagram feeds and whose dating anecdotes make the office ring with peals of laughter. Why settle down when the cream of the crop is a swipe away on Tinder?
Women no longer have prescribed trajectories for life, either – and that’s liberating. However, in our pursuit of perfection and ‘having it all’, the huge number of options available to us can feel like a minefield. We are constantly bombarded with choices. Should you stick with your job or go freelance? Should you save money in an ISA or a pension? Should you swap your ballet classes for boxing to attain that Victoria’s Secret body? Unsurprisingly, US research on ‘the paradox of choice’ has shown that too many options can be debilitating. In supermarkets with more products on offer, customers leave feeling less satisfied, left with a nagging sense that they could have chosen better.
Speaking to other women, it’s clear that option anxiety is commonly felt. ‘There are so many choices to make when it comes to picking a career path that I find myself making no decision at all,’ says Jane, 34. ‘From investing in a winter coat to picking a place to buy a flat, stacking up the options leaves me frozen in fear. In the end, I do nothing.’
During a recent catch-up, a friend of mine referred to her boyfriend as a ‘stopover’. I laughed at her bluntness, but the comment was also disconcerting. Always looking around the corner for the next dating option, my friend is forgetting to live in the present.
As I see it, option anxiety is an acute branch of FOMO that’s being fuelled by social media. My friend Katie, 29, admits she has bouts of it when she scrolls Instagram and sees how other women are playing out their life choices. ‘I look at their lives and think: “They’re doing that, I haven’t done that, they’re a step ahead of me.’” Ironically, the internet is now offering solutions to option anxiety, in the form of apps like Best Decision. The app ranks your choices according to what you’ve stated as your priorities. It’s decision making by algorithm and I completely understand its appeal.
Sarah, 33, who works in the beauty industry, feels that option anxiety gets worse as you enter your thirties. ‘There’s the expectation of a certain salary and lifestyle. I went part-time to give me space for a couple of new ventures, and so many friends questioned my choice. At times I’ve thought, “What am I doing?” It takes real confidence to trust that you never fail, you just find another track.’
This confidence to choose and risk temporary failure is surely the solution. We strain so much for perfection – the well-paid job, the travel adventures, the glamorous romances – that we’ve forgotten how to listen to our instincts. I may always experience some anxiety over life’s decisions, but how does the old saying go? One door closes, another opens…