The Provocateur: ‘We have to tackle the question of sex in the Muslim world’

Leïla Slimani’s acclaimed book, Sex And Lies, gave a voice to Moroccan women who don’t have the right to a sexual life. Here, the awardwinning writer says that breaking that taboo is key to them achieving equality

in morocco, you don’t have the right to a sexual life if you are not married. You do not have the right to be a homosexual. If you are married, you do not have the right to cheat on your spouse. Both adultery and homosexuality are punishable by prison. I didn’t know how it felt to live with that threat – I left Morocco when I was 18 and have only lived as a woman in France.

Then, while promoting my first novel, Chanson Douche, in Rabat, a Moroccan woman approached me and confided in me about her life, loves and the most intimate things you can imagine. She told me how disheartening her love life had been. She had been a virgin when she married and, later, after she divorced, she tried to take control of herself and find sexual pleasure, but found it impossible after her strict upbringing. ‘I never managed it,’ she told me. It was fascinating. Straight away, I wanted to give a voice to these Moroccan women of all different backgrounds and social classes. They want to speak freely, but can’t, because to speak about sexuality is taboo in Morocco. As one woman put it, ‘Everyone fucks,’ just like everywhere else, but because of the patriarchal culture of shame and honour, they cannot talk about it. The society is very hypocritical, lovers bribe police if they are caught out.

What I uncovered leads me to believe that the question of sex in the Muslim world is the pressing issue we have to tackle. As long as there is male sexual domination, men will have the right to decide women’s honour, whether a woman has to be a virgin. While researching my books, I heard many stories, but what shocked me most is that if girls or women experience rape, harassment or domestic violence, often their families don’t consider them victims and are the first ones to judge, throwing them out and even implicating them with the authorities. The violence shocked me. I heard of two lesbian girls denounced by one of their mothers, who reported her 16-year-old daughter to the police. Another girl was raped at 16 and forced to marry her rapist by her parents. I was desperately sad for those girls, who felt constantly lonely or abandoned by their families and the authorities.

While men have power, they have power over women’s bodies – and so it’s impossible for them to become emancipated. Religion

It’s not just Islam, no religion Is a friend of women

has to examine the question of gender and how we look at women – what is a woman? What does the body of a woman in the public space and in private places mean? The first thing the patriarchy uses against women is shame and silence. When you oblige women to feel ashamed and stay silent and isolate them from one another, when they can’t even tell each other their stories, you can keep power over them.

Now in Morocco, more and more women are working and living in their own apartments, they’re educated and financially independent. Those are things that will change society. But, I don’t believe we have politicians in Morocco who care about the condition of women – and these men manipulate religion to give their actions legitimacy. It’s not just Islam – in my opinion, every religion is harsh on women, saying they should be controlled, dominated. Therefore, we should be objective and talk not just about Islam, but say that no religion is a friend of women.

Of course, we should be aware that not all our relationships with men are sexual. We are also workers and mothers and lots of things – we’re not just fighting for sexual freedom, we are fighting for respect and equal salaries and consideration and respect in public spaces. But, unfortunately, in Morocco if you don’t emancipate the body of women, they can’t have their own sexuality and their right to intimacy, to secrets. They can’t have their public rights: the two of those go together.

It’s an exciting time to be a woman right now, given the rise of the #Metoo movement, especially as we now have the feeling we are not alone – a lot of men also want change and to live in a world with less violence, less predation. We all want to leave another world for our children, one that is less violent and fairer to our girls.

We are living in a time where more and more women are speaking out. They are saying, ‘I am something and I count and you have to look at me and consider my dignity.’ It’s so important to break the silence – it’s the first step. That’s why I fought to break the women of Morocco’s silence about sexuality, giving them a voice when they can’t speak. If these women are not given a right to a dignified and safe sex life, they do not have full citizenship. ‘ Lullaby’, the new book by Leïla Slimani, is out now (£12.99, Faber & Faber)