Master Grazia’s life skills

Shannon Thomas, author of Healing From Hidden Abuse

While many of us are aware of the patterns of emotional abuse, it can be painful to address when these present themselves in our own relationship. It can be easier to rationalise behaviour as ‘normal’ than to face the reality that we may be being psychologically abused.

Ask yourself, ‘Is it normal what I’m facing in my relationship?’ In an emotionally abusive relationship, silent treatment is often used as a manipulation tool. This is different to somebody being busy at work or not available, this is when you feel ghosted or when a person will disappear for days but then pop back up as if everything is normal. Or the partner could be literally ignoring you in person or giving one word answers.

Gaslighting is used as a confusion technique, so the abuser can get the target to doubt their own memory. If the target can’t trust themselves, the abuser has a better chance of manipulating the relationship.

Abusers will often become chameleons of your own likes and interests to gain your trust. It goes beyond simply sharing a common ground, as they will mirror and match the things you enjoy to manipulate shared interests. Be mindful of whether their social media, friends and hobbies match up to what they have suddenly become interested in.

Abusers often shower their target with intense affection early on to make them dependent on the relationship and put themselves in a position of power. If you feel the relationship is moving too quickly, communicate how you feel and put the brakes on.

Another red flag can be if someone asks lots of questions very early on, without revealing much themselves. It should be a ping pong match where you both give and learn information.