Chart of lust

Who we,re loving and living for right now...

1. Up CATE F***ING BLANCHETT

Wherein, the ‘f***ing’ denotes awe for her performance in Mrs America. Here in a sentence: ‘Cate F***ing Blanchett, tho!’ (Response: ‘I know, right?’)

2. Up UZO ADUBA

Formerly Crazy Eyes in OITNB. Currently Shirley Chisholm in Mrs America WHICH WE WILL KEEP MENTIONING, YES, because it’s exceptional. Also: Rose Byrne’s Gloria Steinem shades!

3. Up BEN STOKES

We are no great fans of cricket, but we do have a soft spot for him, especially when he spontaneously wears a hairband.

4. Up LEO PUMPKINHEAD DICAPRIO

While Johnny Depp’s libel trial is a desperate, messy, distressing affair by any measure, his nicknames for Amber Heard’s co-stars did provide brief light relief.

5. New in DEVON TERRELL

Ref Netflix’s Cursed, a retelling of the Merlin legend. Had we known Arthur were this easy ‘pon the eye, we’d have paid more attention.

6. Non-mover NICKI MINAJ

Announcing her pregnancy on Instagram, by way of a series of bikini shots, a pink sofa, and extensive use of florals and sparkles.

7. Up NIGELLA LAWSON

Causing epic ructions on the net (NB: we’ve decided we’re bringing back ‘net’) with a recipe for peanut butter-tinged houmous, which someone described as ‘sacrilege’.

8. New in AVERY WILSON

Judge on the US The Voice, came out thus: ‘I’m a bisexual man who’s in love with LOVE.’ This, we think, is how Buddy the Elf might do it, if he were bi.

9. Up DVW

Dame Vivienne Westwood, protesting the extradition of Julian Assange in a yellow suit and bird cage. Wherever you stand on Assange: Viv is just a movable feast of magnificence.

10. New in KRIS ‘JONG UN’

While not entirely sure what’s happening with Kanye West currently, we do think his nicknaming of his mother-in-law is Leo Pumpkin-head-grade accomplished.