‘HOW I MAKE MY OPEN MARRIAGE WORK’

Who among us wouldn’t consider bending the rules of our relationship for a night with Brad Pitt? But open marriages don’t happen overnight. It took years of trust-building before my husband and I decided to date other people.

I initiated it. When I met Rob 11 years ago, I knew I’d found something special. But part of me felt sad that I’d never again experience the flutter of a new crush. We adored each other and our sex life was amazing, but I knew deep down that we’d eventually want to sleep with other people.

At first, conversations were hypothetical. Over time they became more sincere. Rob had reservations but was open-minded. We decided to dip a toe and joined some dating apps, our profile stating we were looking for threesomes. On our first date, with a woman, we were giddy with our own boldness.

As we learned more, we began to see that it might really be doable. The first time Rob went on a date with another woman, I tried to conjure jealousy. I imagined him making her laugh; telling the anecdotes I’d heard a thousand times; kissing her. To my surprise, it gave me butterflies. It made me feel excited about him all over again.

That’s not to say we never get jealous. Once, on a date, I neglected to text Rob to say I was safe. He was hurt and angry, partly because he felt forgotten. We try not to argue too much over the justifications. We listen, empathise and agree to find a compromise for the next time.

We currently each have a partner outside our marriage. Meeting the other’s partner feels weird at first but ultimately it’s like hanging out with any close friend of your partner. I’ve been to the theatre with my husband and his girlfriend and Rob’s met my boyfriend once, at my birthday drinks. Neither of us saw our partners during lockdown. At times, the strain of trying to maintain two relationships in a pandemic made me question whether I could handle it. But we got through it.

I’m happy for Rob to have fun and get affection from other people. It frees me to do the same and it allows us the space to recharge so we can keep giving plenty of love and energy to each other.

But you need to be organised. Fitting everybody in can be a challenge. With six children and an ongoing divorce, I hope Brad’s got his Google calendar in order…