Has the led to new ‘rule of six’ ‘friend shedding’?
YOU MAY REMEMBER the excruciating noughties dilemma that was organising your Myspace top 8. It was a minefield of hurt teenage feelings and bitterness that was often harboured for months.
As an adult, no one wants to have to openly put their friends in order of how much they like them. Yet 2020 trumped convention once again, when it forced us to publicly decide once and for all exactly who is in our inner circle. First, during lockdown, we had social ‘bubbles’; now we have the ‘rule of six’, with the Government dictating that we can only gather with up to five others, maximum (unless it’s for a wedding or, er, grouse shooting, in which case it’s 30). Memes instantly appeared that made light of that poor seventh person in a friendship group who doesn’t get the brunch invite.
It’s a platonic minefield, but you could take the view that one thing this year has afforded us is the privilege of being able to sit back and properly consider the friendships we have in our lives. Some are forever, we just know that. But it’s OK to also realise that not all of them are. One friend said to me last week that it has felt liberating to wave goodbye to those ‘We-must-meet-for-drinks’ friends in 2020, the ones with whom you schedule biannual get-togethers just to talk about how you should do it more often.
In a previous life, that may have been seen as ruthless, but this year, we might use the more gentle term ‘friend shedding’. Whether you have many or a close-knit few, friendships will always evolve as you grow up and some settle down. People have children, busier lives, less inclination and energy to go out every Friday and Saturday night. Throw a global pandemic in the mix and maintaining friendships isn’t as easy as it once was.
Psychotherapist, couples counsellor and author of The Phone Addiction Workbook, Hilda Burke tells Grazia that the break from our usual routines has given us a chance to reassess who we really miss. ‘Many of us believe things are set in stone when it comes to our friends. What’s happened during lockdown is that the rituals and routines propping up certain friendships – eg, I go for lunch with my workmate every day – have broken down. Some may have realised that, without the regular contact or joint activities, there’s not actually much substance there.’
While we all started out in lockdown Facetiming and Housepartying, that’s not a sustainable way to maintain friendships. I’ve found that certain relationships have dwindled over the course of the year, not because I don’t care about them, but because time, distance and life have got in the way for both of us.
I’ve missed socialising as freely as I once did, and I miss my close friends deeply – I moved to Bath from London in 2018, and this year have only been able to go back to see them once – but I’ve also noticed a shift in who I am turning to the most.
Like many, my social circle has shrunk because of circumstance. I’ve broken contact with one formerly close friend who I realised hadn’t been a positive presence in my life, and I feel lighter for it. There are others I don’t know when I’ll see again.
‘There should be less stigma around moving away from friendships, as long as you’re not hurting one another,’ says Hilda. ‘To a certain extent, it’s natural and healthy to let some friendships go to make space for new ones,’ she adds. ‘Lockdown has simply catalysed some of these shifts.’
I’m lucky that I’ve also made bonds during this strange year that will never be undone. The people with whom we have weathered this storm are part of our fabric now – and we’ll never forget the support we had when we needed it most.
NOT ALL IT BAGS can claim a backstory quite as iconic as the Hermès Birkin, an accessory that will take pride of place in the V&A’S upcoming exhibition – Bags: Inside Out – tickets for which have just gone on sale. The year was 1984. A young actormusician, Jane Birkin, was travelling from Paris to London and found herself seated next to Jean-louis Dumas, Hermès’s then-executive chairman. On hearing her complain that she couldn’t find a bag to fit her requirements, Jean-louis sketched a rectangular holdall on a paper sick bag. The Birkin was born – and came to define the two tenets of an It bag: an eye-watering price tag and a certain degree of exclusivity.
Today, the It bag looks rather different. Just as timeless, but slightly less logocentric, it’s now a hard-working accessory that marries fashion with function. In 2020, a year shaped by economic uncertainty, it is Telfar’s so-called ‘Bushwick Birkin’, that is leading the pack and speaking the loudest to consumers.
Modelled on a paper shopping bag, its designer, 35-year-old Telfar Clemens, just won Accessories Designer of the Year at the CFDA Fashion Awards. His simple square tote comes in three sizes and 14 colourways, epitomising the unisex brand’s mantra: ‘Not for you, for everyone’, and prices range from a more affordable $150 to $257. It’s exactly what the switched-on customer – aware of the fashion industry’s ongoing problems with diversity and sustainability – now wants.
It’s certainly won a loyal following, with celebrities and even politicians queueing up to buy it. In fact, it was American congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-cortez who sparked a surge in interest. According to Lyst, searches spiked by 270% in late-august, after AOC was seen carrying the oxblood version, posting later that its designer is a ‘hometown hero’ from her district.
Elsewhere, consumers are now looking for designer pieces that will last forever, not just a season. At Browns, the top five are from
Bottega Veneta (who features twice), Loewe, Gucci and Balenciaga. ‘We’ve noticed that our customers are spending more and more on investment bags within our super-brand offering,’ says Hollie Harding, Browns’ non-apparel buying manager. ‘They feel assured that they are investing in a piece that, as well as being popular right now, has longevity and a timelessness to it.’ Over at luxury resale site Vestiaire Collective, there’s been a 72% increase in demand for Gucci’s Jackie, an archive style from 1961 that was re-released earlier this year.
Lucia Salvi, curator of Bags: Inside Out, says that the pandemic has had an unprecedented influence on handbags. ‘From sanitiser, gloves and other items of personal protection, we now need a more spacious and practical accessory to fit everything in,’ she says. This doesn’t, however, mean that the It bag has been shelved. In fact, it could be seen as an unexpected success story. ‘A Hermès store in Guangdong, China, recording unprecedented sales [post-lockdown] highlighted how some people were either gifting themselves bags or considering these luxury goods as a safe investment in an uncertain financial market.’
Above all, they seem to symbolise a brighter future. ‘Buying these statement accessories has provided a certain comfort,’ says Lucia, ‘in the hope that they may be used in public again soon.’