Grieving before and beyond

The grieving process is different for each of us, but here’s what you can do to support someone through every stage of it

we need to talk more about grief.

When someone close to us dies, we experience a journey of grief that’s unique to us – and the timeline of how we all grieve also varies. Grief isn’t “one size fits all” and you can’t put a time limit on the process.

Andy Langford, clinical director of charity Cruse Bereavement Care, says that only by sharing stories of loss will we be able to break down the social barriers surrounding grief. Talking about our personal memories of someone who has died can therefore be very helpful.

The Covid-19 pandemic has changed the way people have been able to process loss, because families have not always been able to come together to support each other in person, and funeral services have been restricted. Co-op Funeralcare’s A Nation in Mourning report, published last July, revealed that almost 10 million British mourners were unable to attend a loved one’s funeral during the first wave of the pandemic.

Helen Chandler, head of operations at Co-op Funeralcare, says, “Grief may be elongated because people haven’t been able to say goodbye in the usual way.”

It’s never been more important to step up and help others through their grief, and supporting people’s mental committed to doing through its partnerships with bereavement charities and mental health organisations.

Supporting someone in the early stages of grief

When someone is mourning the loss of under any pressure to experience certain emotions at certain times. What they need is time and space to grieve in their own way.

Grief is always unique to each person, and will also be affected by what else is going on in their life at the time. Bear in mind also that in the early stages of grief have rigid expectations of how they will experience the process.

Andy recommends we do our best to stay flexible. For example, one day the bereaved person might want to occupy themselves sorting through their loved one’s belongings, while the next they may simply want to reminisce.

upporting someone during the funeral

“A funeral can mean different things to each of us. It can bring closure, celebrate the life of a loved one, or it can be the ceremony itself that matters.”

Funeral services are also unique, and mean different things to each of us. “They can bring closure, celebrate the life of a loved one, or it can just be the ceremony itself that matters,” says Helen.

Sending a sympathy card or funeral flowers with a little note can be a thoughtful way to support someone.

upporting someone as time moves on

Helen Chandler, head of operations, Co-op Funeralcare

You don’t simply “get over” the loss of a loved one when they die; you learn to live with it – so it’s important you give a friend or family member the time they need to grieve, while letting them know you’re there to help.

Encourage them to stay connected, and really listen when they need you to. Remind them that their relationship with their loved one doesn’t just stop because they’re no longer here.