CAN WE LEARN TO ENJOY WORKING ALONE?
A: The switch to a solo set-up may leave you feeling lonely, but approached in the right way, it can positively affect your wellbeing
How to survive – and thrive – on your own
My sister sent me two photos a few days ago. One was of the scientist Gretchen Goldman, appearing via Zoom on a news channel, with only her head, shoulders and jacket visible on the TV screen. The other was a side view of the same moment, but in this shot, the whole room is on show: her laptop is balanced on a dining chair, which is balanced on a coffee table. Below the jacket, she’s wearing cycling shorts and
trainers. She’s surrounded by mess – toys, boxes, cups and plates. For many formerly office-based women, the boundaries between our professional and personal lives are now so blurred that at any given moment our head and torso may have adopted a different – usually competing – identity from our legs and feet, while chaos swirls around us.
If, back in the spring, you abruptly left behind a corporate existence and a predictable routine for which you are still grieving, or if you previously worked from a home that has since been invaded by children or adults whose schools or offices have closed, you may feel you’re going quietly mad, unable to cope with the simplest of tasks. Unfortunately, what initially seemed like a temporary stopgap now looks likely to be a recurring situation that demands long-term readjustment.
‘A lot of leaders I work with have lost the commute but are still working longer hours,’ the business expert and TED speaker Margaret Heffernan says. ‘As a result, they have sacrificed their sense of agency – and then it becomes very hard to make decisions. CEOs are paralysed by questions that aren’t deeply complex.’
Her suggestion is to introduce buffers into your calendar, such as making video calls last 45 minutes so that there is a 15-minute window before the next one, and not impulsively filling that time with answering emails. ‘In the past, you would walk between meetings, or get coffee. Geography gave you time to process the discussion you’d just had and file it away. But now, there is no geography,’ she points out. ‘All the studies on multi-tasking show that it leaves what psychologists think of as “open loops” – you move onto a new task without finishing the one before. When you try to retrieve the information from a call or meeting, it’s therefore much harder to find, because you haven’t finished the thought or done the follow-up.’ It’s a familiar feeling for 2020 – a hazy cloud of incomplete things all around us, leaving us anxious, indecisive and overwhelmed.
But there is hope – and small changes can make a huge difference. Heffernan recommends scheduling (and actually doing) ‘three things you enjoy, every week’, as a way to get that feeling of control back. She also arranges virtual water-cooler moments (‘the serendipitous conversations that we’ve lost, with people I miss’) by making unexpected phone calls to check in with colleagues.
Feeling stuck is a common theme for 2020. Perhaps you are new to a job or at the beginning of your career, or maybe you wanted to change roles or progress, but it feels impossible. Dr Heejung Chung, who studies flexible working, says sourcing a mentor is the best way through this particular fog. ‘You have to be more proactive in finding a support network,’ she says. ‘In an office, those relationships might form naturally. Now, you have to make them intentionally.’ If your employer doesn’t have a mentoring programme, suggest it, or create one informally. And if you can’t find the right source of assistance, look for help further afield.
There are elements of the shift towards remote work that may benefit women. ‘Pretty much all organisations are based on structures that were set up for men,’ says Chung, who believes it is worth resisting rushing back to the office, even if it becomes possible, while we reflect on what we want work to be like in the future. ‘A lot of corporations are pushing to get people back because they want to maintain the old traditional ways.’
According to Heffernan, this difficult moment could be an opportunity for individuals, too – a chance to craft your job into a role you enjoy, or a moment to experiment with something new. ‘If you’ve been wanting different things at work, propose and try them,’ she suggests. While it is advisable to start with small, incremental changes, especially if you don’t feel mentally robust, the good news is that ‘there are no rules, because we’ve never been here before – nobody can say, “We tried that idea before and it failed”’.
Thinking like a freelancer is another positive step. I’ve worked on my own for 11 years, so I’ve always had to be autonomous when it comes to career development. You may find working from home becomes more tolerable if you celebrate its freedoms: the chance to manage your own schedule, to take more frequent breaks than an office might allow, to spend time outside every day, to surround your workspace with beautiful, tactile objects of your choice, and to sit near a window, where you can let daylight rather than screen time set your circadian rhythms. (Even better if you can symbolically shut it all away, behind a door or in a box, at the end of the day.)
Channel a freelancer’s mindset when it comes to the office Christmas party too. My husband, a photographer, and I usually arrange a small freelancers’ lunch, or have a blow-out, just the two of us. We all need something as a marker and reward. And sending Secret Santa presents through the post would be kind, this year above all.
Indeed, we should make kindness – to ourselves, our teams, our colleagues – the theme for 2021. Let’s forgive our inability to focus, as our identities compete with each other and we muddle through the mess towards a more sustainable new normal.
‘Solo: How to Work Alone (and Not Lose Your Mind)’ by Rebecca Seal (£14.99, Profile Books/Souvenir Press) is out now.