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They talk. We lis­ten (some­times)

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“I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO SUF­FER FROM SUN­BURN ON NA­TIONAL TELE­VI­SION” Surely it was more em­bar­rass­ing be­ing con­tin­u­ally dumped on Love Is­land, DR ALEX? “STILL FEEL LIKE A KNOB TAK­ING A SELFIE” Wel­come to the club, EMMA WIL­LIS “IF I WERE TO TELL YOU I WAS A KING, WOULD YOU BE­LIEVE ME?” Why not, ALI­CIA KEYS? We’ve be­lieved worse “HE AL­WAYS WANTS ME TO BE ME AND FEEL CON­FI­DENT, AND WE’RE HAV­ING FUN, BUT IT ALSO BOTH­ERS HIM” So far, so Kanye West when it comes to KIM

KAR­DASHIAN’S sexy In­sta pics “I’VE BEEN ON GOOGLE AND SELF-DI­AG­NOSED MY­SELF WITH THE WORST POS­SI­BLE THINGS. WHY DO I DO THAT?” Oh no, VAS MOR­GAN. Ev­ery­one knows that Dr Google is a quack. Step away from the in­ter­net “WHICH CAME FIRST, THE COF­FEE OR THE SMILE?” That’s not even a ques­tion, is it, BRYCE DAL­LAS HOWARD? “THE BEAUTY ROLLER HAS SOLD OUT! NOW I CAN PAY FOR MORE VIDEOS FOR MY NEW RECORD AND EX­TRA DANCERS FOR MY SHOW” Wow, MADONNA, we didn’t re­alise times were so tight. Keep flog­ging that merch

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