MEET THE MVPS OF CELEBRITY DIVORCE
Bitter feuds and iron-clad prenups are all in a day’s work
Fragile egos, innumerable assets stretched across the globe, and an overripe sense of entitlement – it’s no surprise that we’re all just a bit obsessed with a high-profile break-up. But while the embittered exes may be household names, they’re not the central characters here. Instead, we’re shining a spotlight on the high-powered divorce lawyers, who take no prisoners along the way. Brace yourselves for the most fearsome power players in showbiz…
THE DISSO QUEEN
First up, it’s the unequivocal woman of the hour: the revered – and feared – Laura Wasser. Some know her as the Disso Queen (due to her knack for dissolving marriages), others know her by her prophetic initials LAW (her middle name is Allison), but to Kim Kardashian, she’s her guiding light – the one steering her through the maelstrom of a billion-dollar divorce from Kanye West.
Whispers of Kim’s crumbling marriage are old news, but it wasn’t until Laura filed the divorce papers in February that their
split was confirmed. Fans wept, cynics muttered, “Told you so”, and – once again – Hollywood’s not-so-secret legal weapon got to work. “I don’t understand why filings in family law matters are public,” said Laura, days later. “Do you know what a bone in my throat [gossip website] TMZ is, every case? Whether you’re rich and famous or Joe Schmo, why does that have to be out there for everyone to see?”
It’s a good question, but one that the highly praised attorney already knows the answer to. After all, having been in the business for 25 years – during which time she’s represented half of Tinseltown, including Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Britney, Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera – she knows a celeb break-up is irresistible clickbait. Indeed, the Disso Queen said it herself in the very same breath: “Your cousin gets divorced, who cares? But if a famous, rich, beautiful person gets divorced, we want to know about it.”
But what does it take to be LA’S go-to marriage ender? First and foremost: a resolutely realistic view on the nature of marriage. Asked if she believes love is real earlier this year, the 52 year old responded, “One hundred per cent, it’s real… but love is so vast. I love my kids, my friends, my housekeeper. But relationship love? It’s a contract, we each bring something to the table. If that changes, you have to re-evaluate that contract. Getting married and getting divorced are both business decisions. You can love someone forever, but you can’t always be married to them forever.”
It’s for that reason that Laura has one golden rule: get a prenup. “I say it all the time. If you can’t bring up the subject of a prenup, then you shouldn’t get
married,” she’s argued. “Talk about everything. Talk about things that aren’t sexy. What do you feel is expected of you and what do you expect of your future spouse in this relationship? Everything from financial to family. The couples that I see that do prenuptial agreements, because they’ve had those conversations, they stay together longer, because it gives you the communication tools that you need when things aren’t going well.”
THE STEEL MAGNOLIA
It’s Laura’s uncompromising reputation, not to mention her lack of starstruck sycophancy – she’s previously said of her A-list clients, “They become piles of mush – I know everything about them. I know how much pubic hair they have. There’s crying, there’s snot, and then it’s over and I never see them again” – that makes her Hollywood’s go-to counsel. But here in the UK, we have an equally prominent divorce lawyer, who’s every bit as fearsome: Fiona Shackleton, otherwise known as Baroness Shackleton of Belgravia – or the Steel Magnolia to her friends and foes. Having long been the go-to law yer for the royals – she acted for both Prince Charles and Prince Andrew in their divorces, and is still the private solicitor to Princes William and Harry – Fiona became the stuff of courtroom legend back in 2008, while representing Sir Paul Mccartney in his spilt from second wife Heather Mills. After being awarded a paltry £24m of Paul’s £400m fortune, the former Mrs Mccartney expressed her fury by pouring a pitcher of water over Fiona’s head. The Baroness later emerged from court with wet hair, smiling, confident in the knowledge she’d saved her client the bulk of his fortune, and proving her total unflappability.
“I like sticking up for people, making sure they’re not taken advantage of,” Shackleton, 64, has said. “It helps to have a rod of steel in your back and plenty of charm.” It’s this potent combination that’s made her such a force to be reckoned with in the legal world – proven yet again in 2016, when she secured the UK’S biggest divorce settlement for Tatiana Akhmedova – the former wife of the Russian billionaire Farkhad Akhmedov – who walked away with £453m.
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Perhaps surprisingly, the common thread between Wasser and Shackleton is their disinterest in amping up drama. Yes, they recognise that celebrity divorce is a spectacle – they’ve both been lauded for their clever quips and killer wardrobes (although this could be due to sexist/skewed reporting about female lawyers) – but neither of them is putting on a show. Both always prefer to settle out of court, and always suggest the couple tries counselling before pulling the plug. According to Laura, she often passes on cases if she thinks the plaintiff simply wants to punish their spouse. “[In those cases] I will send them elsewhere,” she’s said. “One of my colleagues will be happy to continue working with their unreasonableness and delusions.”
Today, both Laura and Fiona have reported an increase in divorce enquiries as a result of the pandemic – a sad statistic, maybe, but with eye-watering hourly rates (Laura’s is $950, while Fiona charges between £700 and £1,200) their power and influence is only set to grow. After all, romantic happy ever afters may be illusory – but a person’s love for their divorce lawyer can last a lifetime. n
‘I know how much pubic hair my clients have’