OPENING UP ABOUT HER SURPRISE DIAGNOSIS, TV HOST MELANIE SYKES
IS ON A MISSION TO EMPOWER WOMEN AS SHE CELEBRATES HER AUTISM AND TELLS WHY RAISING HER SONS IS HER ‘ULTIMATE JOB’
She was diagnosed with autism just a few weeks ago, but TV presenter Melanie Sykes tells hello! that she has greeted the revelation with a sense of relief, not dismay.
“It’s fantastic, that’s why I’m celebrating it,” she says as she showcases an array of sustainable fashion pieces in our exclusive photoshoot. “I’ve always felt different to other people and how they think and operate, but now I know it’s because I’m autistic it makes me feel validated.”
Melanie, whose 17-year-old son Tino also has the condition, which affects the way people communicate and interact, tells how she’s always felt different. “I tried to work out what it was about me and even put it down to things like my Northern directness,” says the Lancashire- born mum- of- two, who first shot to fame as the face of the Boddingtons beer adverts, pulling pints from an ice-cream van in the late 1990s.
FEELING OUT OF PLACE
“I’ve been in the entertainment industry for years, but it felt alien to me as I don’t do fluff and small talk or say anything for effect,” continues Melanie, who went on to copresent chat shows such as Today with Des and Mel and Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel, and took part in 2014’s I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, finishing in third place.
“I’m always in pursuit of the truth and feel flummoxed by people who don’t do the same and are happy to live with weird lies.
“With the knowledge I’m autistic, it now helps me understand how I’ve been operating in a society that doesn’t operate in the same way as me.”
It also explains, she continues, why she decided to step back from TV presenting.
“I always found it very uncomfortable and stressful,” she says. “In fact it causes me actual physical pain. I’ve been in pain in this industry a lot. I’ve done it because it pays the rent and it’s my job and there have been times when I thoroughly enjoyed what I’m doing, but there have been elements that hurt.
“I don’t have a particularly good memory and find it hard to listen to the director talking into my earpiece while I’m interviewing someone on camera,” she continues.
“And when I was on The Chase I went into panic mode. Just before my round, [host] Bradley Walsh told me: ‘If you don’t know the answer, just say “pass”.’ It was the last thing he said to me and when I did the round, I kept passing on everything. I realise now it was because it was the last thing he said to me. Looking back, my reaction was connected to my autism.
“It’s not a sob story; loads of people don’t enjoy their work, but I’m just saying that in an industry for someone who doesn’t like being in front of the camera, the whole thing has been extremely toxic for me and that’s why I walked away from it. I’ll
‘ I understand how I’ve been operating
in a society that doesn’t operate in the same way as me’
‘The education system is antiquated in the way it operates around autism and it wastes hours of young lives’
never do a piece to camera again unless it’s for something that’s meaningful.”
It was through her decision to make a documentary about how autistic children and autism are treated in the education system that led to her own diagnosis in November.
“I’d experienced how difficult it was to find the right school for Tino and wanted to help other children and their parents,” she says.
“Many autistic people have a specific way of learning, and I believe education should be built on what individuals are interested in instead of crowbarring an idea of what children should learn into their minds. The education system is antiquated in the way it operates around autism and it wastes hours of young lives.”
She recalls how her son Tino – whom along with her eldest son Roman, 19, she shares with ex-husband Daniel Caltagirone – was two years old when she noticed his unusual behaviour.
“He wasn’t responding to his name and when anyone said it, he wouldn’t look at them. He was also a bit daydreamy and distant. At first doctors thought he might be deaf, but they then realised he was on the autistic spectrum.
MOTHERLY SUPPORT
“I was surprised but react well to facts and wanted to know how I could help,” she continues. “There wasn’t much information about autism back then, but I was put in touch with a specialist, and therapeutic family sessions with Tino taught us how to reconnect. It was amazing; he started to talk and develop, and is now this beautiful young man.
“When you have a child who is different to the average child it really opens your eyes,” she adds. “It grounded me massively and made me realise how much I had to do to help him and focus on us being happy.”
However, it never occurred to Melanie that she had a form of the condition too, until she consulted autistic public speaker Harry Thompson, who helps autistic children access education, and he recognised the signs.
The duo had been in conversation for barely 15 minutes when he suggested she might have an ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)/ autistic profile and should explore a diagnosis.
“He could see how open and expressive I am, and that I have an ability to pick up and drop lots of different bits of conversation,” she says. “He also thinks I might have ADHD because I’m very buzzy and move around so rapidly that a lot of people tell me to slow down.”
Melanie, whose test for ADHD will take place in the new year, says that she welcomed her positive test for autism – which is classified in adults as a condition whereby they find it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling, become anxious about social situations and take things literally.
“I’m relieved,” she says. “Now I know what all my sensitivities are about. During lockdown, I enjoyed not having to go out and socialise, or to brave corporate events. I’ve always been uncomfortable in crowds or being touched by people I don’t know.”
Since coming out with her diagnosis, Melanie has been welcomed to the autistic community, with messages from mothers of children on the spectrum and adults diagnosed late in life. “They’re so happy I’m talking about it, normalising it,” she says. “Some people
‘When you have a child who is different to the average child it opens your eyes’
who were too embarrassed to tell anyone now feel they can. It makes me happy to know I’ve helped.” She is now determined to remove the stigma associated with autism.
“There’s nothing wrong with autistic people; we just think and access the world differently. Autism shouldn’t be referred to as a ‘disorder’, as this implies the way an autistic mind works is faulty. The brain isn’t broken, it just thinks differently to a neurotypical person.
“We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses that should all be embraced, supported and celebrated. I’m extremely productive, good at thinking outside the box, and if I’m inspired by something I act on it.
FUTURE ENDEAVOURS
“All I want to do is promote truth and justice, celebrate and elevate women, help the vulnerable and push sustainability.”
In pursuit of this, she created her online website, Frank, which champions causes such as sustainable fashion.
“I shop second-hand and refuse to wear brands that aren’t good for the environment,” says Melanie, who earlier this year co-hosted Shop Well for the Planet? as well as Shop Well for Less? alongside former Gavin & Stacey actress Joanna Page. “I will never buy clothes from the high street again. I used to always be on Asos, but no more. I don’t care if I wear something for five years, and don’t need the latest handbag.
“The fashion industry is choking the world,” she continues, adding that she’s supporting Save the Children’s Christmas Jumper Day this week. Melanie’s other – and greatest – passions are her two sons. “It’s my ultimate job to bring up decent, well-adjusted human beings who care about others,” she says. “They’re my life and always have been.”
It comes as no surprise, however, that after her acrimonious divorce from her second husband Jack Cockings after a year of marriage, she has been protective of her private life. Despite being seen with handsome young gondolier Riccardo Simionato on a holiday in Venice in October 2020, returning there to celebrate her 51st birthday in August, and being spotted with him in London a month later, she refuses to talk about her love life.
“I do as I please and live my life as I see fit; it’s nobody else’s business,” she says. “I don’t feel any pressure from anyone about what I say and do because I can do anything I want. I operate on feelings, not years.”
Asked if she’d ever consider settling down and marrying again, she replies: “I like my life until I want to change it; I’ll make that decision later. Right now I’m happy as I am. I have a great life and do it my way. I’m fine with me.”
‘There’s nothing wrong with autistic people; we just access the world differently’