A NEW START
Journalist, author and This Morning’s relationships expert Rosie Green reframes midlife in the first of her monthly columns for HELLO!
Hi, my name is Rosie and I’m living, breathing proof that you get happier from midlife onwards.
According to Professor Andrew Oswald, a researcher at the University of Warwick, happiness follows a U-shaped pattern over our life span. It peaks at 18, dips to its lowest point in your mid-40s, then climbs upwards thereafter.
What joyous news! Turns out the youth don’t have a monopoly on happiness after all. And it’s a boon for us midlifers who were anticipating a slow decline into despondency and compression socks.
Andrew says the pattern is pretty standard across genders and continents.
And I fit it perfectly. Except I was a smidge early for my nadir moment.
After an exultant 20s (as a stylist at a glossy fashion magazine – it was all Jimmy Choos, canapés and taping up SJP’s boobs to ensure peak perkiness), I’ll admit to a gentle decline in joy over the following decade. My 30s were blessed with babies, but the work-life juggle was real.
Still, I was ticking off all the milestones – marriage, children, countryside move – feeling exhausted, but vaguely smug. Until, wham, 45 hit.
That year, my husband left me and my job “ceased to exist”. All on one hideous January day. Now I was plummeting into a ravine of despair and when I hit the bottom of that U (okay, it was more like a V), I did so at high velocity.
It wasn’t pretty. But after throwing myself a pity party and spending too long in unflattering athleisurewear, I decided I could either drown in my tears or strap on the crampons and climb up towards the chink of light.
I chose the latter and friends, therapy and exercise propelled me forwards until one day I realised it was all getting exponentially better. Like, really good. I encountered joys I hadn’t ever anticipated. The thrill of dating. Then new love. A revived career (now I had a story worth writing about).
And suddenly, my children were capable of brushing their own teeth unsupervised and replacing loo rolls (occasionally), and were actually great to hang out with.
I’m sure there will be more challenges to come, but for now Professor Oswald is right – the direction of travel is most definitely upwards.
I’ve realised that this happiness comes from experience, a new confidence and greater self-knowledge.
So whether you are anticipating, entering or emerging from your midpoint, how great is it to think your best days are ahead of you?
‘I plummeted into a ravine of despair, but later, I encountered joys I hadn’t ever anticipated’