HE4/ Talking a break from demands of social media to actually get talking

ALL the lonely people, where do they all come from? If you are of a similar age to me, then it is likely the tune from the Beatles’ song Eleanor Rigby will be playing in your head. For the past week or so the melody has certainly been skipping around in my mind.

A friend asked me whether I could recommend any business network groups. He’s been in business for many years but is worrying about a downturn in turnover. Whilst he was speaking that Beatles song was still playing in my head.

Of course as a, until quite recently, regular networker I did have a number of suggestions. But the question and the tune set me thinking. This life of ours is actually quite a lonely journey. We may be surrounded by friends and family, but the truth is that we are actually alone.

That may sound like something of a contradiction, but it isn’t. Regardless of any theological belief, social awareness and a desire for togetherness, we travel our life journey as a single intelligent functioning carbon unit! Occasionally I attend a gathering of business folk for an early morning breakfast. Usually nearly 100 people attend. With my ‘lonely people’ thought drifting through my consciousness, I flicked through a few photographs from recent gatherings.

What makes a business man or woman climb out of bed before the sun is up and head off for a gathering of supposedly like-minded people? Is it the thought of deliciously cooked full-English breakfast shared with fellow pilgrims from the business world? Perhaps a charismatic speaker is on offer waxing lyrical about life-changing possibilities. Or perhaps, like me, a weary eyebrow is raised followed by a quizzical look in the bathroom mirror as I try and work out why I am going at all!

I suspect that it is an eclectic mix of all those things, plus perhaps the worry that you might miss out.

Are business people actually rather gregarious and therefor the gathering reduces the fear of isolation? From the very earliest time, being outside the tribe was a punishment. Can such a primeval thought underpin the need to network?

More worryingly is the thought I have quietly drifted into a repository for lonely people and lost souls. One little network group that I quite enjoyed used to meet at The

Grand

Simon and Garfunkel celebrating the Sound of Silence in Torquay every few weeks. A man I respect ran this breakfast event and described, with a smile, as a meeting for lonely souls and grumpy old men!

I wonder whether The Beatles had business breakfast meetings in mind when they wrote the words, “All the lonely people, where do they all come from?” Probably not, but it does make you think. Or perhaps it doesn’t.

For many years I did bounce from one breakfast meeting to another and met some wonderful people along the way. The least rigid gatherings with a fairly egalitarian mixture always made me happy. The more formal gatherings with tight membership have always made me rather uneasy.

There have been times when I have felt quite lonely in very crowded rooms. I remember a gathering in London years ago where glasses were raised with the words, “Here’s to us and those like us!” Not being part of their rather elite group that creeping feeling of being lonely was actually very uncomfortable.

Although my words above are a little tongue-in-cheek, I do believe that we live in times that encourage isolation. How can that be true in an age of wall-to-wall television and the internet? It’s true because we are surrounded by flashing images, endless chatter in a cacophony of sound that is both confusing and debilitating.

At least with a physical networking group there is the chance of conversation. Yet even here there is a danger of speaking without listening or watching mouths open and close but being selective deaf to what is being said. For the next generation I worry that the wall of noise and floating images hitting them on a daily basis will disorientate and distort. Soundbites, texts, messages and frantic video images can’t really be classed as meaningful conversation. At least that is my opinion and it seems to be shared by a growing number of people.

Many years ago American singer/songwriters Simon and Garfunkel wrote the song The Sound of Silence. Perhaps they were modern day prophets because back in 1964 the tsunami of social media was almost beyond understanding. Their words “And in the naked light I saw 10,000 people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening.”

Sadly I am addicted to social media and also suspect that for a while networking had become an obsession. Some bright spark had posted a few interesting words on Facebook that stopped me in my tracks.

He said, “Thank you Facebook for wasting seven years of my life!” Sitting in front of a shimmering screen ‘liking’ comments or quickly penning half a dozen words isn’t really communicating. Texting loses both tone and body language, leaving the recipient guessing when words confuse.

With all that in mind my internet activity is also going to be rationed.

I enjoy walking and talking to people, although it embarrasses my family!

I enjoy public speaking and will continue to that.

... And of course I will continue to keep the smile!