Why does it always reign on me?


EARLIER THIS MONTH, THE QUEEN became the first British monarch to celebrate a Platinum Jubilee, marking seventy years on the throne.

It was an historic moment, and I for one will enjoy the four-day bank holiday in June.

It’s a moment that likely won’t be repeated anytime soon, mostly because COP26 was a bit of a failure and the world probably doesn’t have another seven decades.

But also, Charles is 73. If I’m wrong feel free at some point in the mid 2090s to exhume my corpse and force my skeleton to eat my hat.

Anyway, the jubilee is as good a time as any to reflect on what the future of the monarchy might look like.

For a while, the job in journalism I’ve coveted most is royal correspond­ent. You get to fly all over the world, slag off rich people, and gossip with “courtiers”. It sounds like it’d be a right laugh.

Obviously, I’d have to take up obsequienc­e, become an expert on brooches and learn to despise Megan Markle, which I wouldn’t be keen on. But chomping down on quail while hanging about Balmoral is right up my street.

Unfortunat­ely, it’s a dying industry. It’s unlikely Holyrood will pay for me to go to the British Virgin Islands to watch Princess Michael of Kent unveil a plaque to some tax exile’s shell company.

And, I reckon, that’s partly because the majority of readers don’t really care about the royals anymore.

As any hack on a paper this side of the border will tell you, the only time you really get a reaction from readers to a story on the monarchy is if you a) call the current queen, Elizabeth II or b) if a member of the royal family breaks the rules.

Remember when Charles apparently jumped the queue for a Covid test from NHS Grampian? Or when William and Kate broke social distancing rules and ignored government advice to visit Scotland as part of a cheer-up-the-country road trip? I’ve never had so many clicks in my life.

However, after 12 centuries, the four nations of the UK are slowly going off giving some posho the divine right to rule.

According to a poll by Yougov in May, 41 per cent of those aged 18 to 24 thought there should now be an elected head of state compared to 31 per cent who wanted a king or queen.

That was a reversal of sentiment from two years ago when 46 per cent preferred the monarchy to 26 per cent who wanted it replaced.

Just to give you an insight into the generation­al gap here, amongst those aged over 65, 81 per cent backed the monarchy.

We all know, there’s no danger of the royal family being deposed under the current queen. But when she is no longer with us there will undoubtedl­y be a conversati­on over what happens next.

We’ve all watched enough of The Crown to know that succession always leads to a reflection on the role of the royalty. And that reflection will look at Prince Andrew and his relationsh­ip with paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, the rows over Harry and Meghan, and the pointlessn­ess of Edward and Sophie. The Windsors know this. It’s likely why the Queen said she wants Camilla to be Queen Consort.

There are interestin­g times ahead. And I’m available as a pundit for a very reasonable fee.

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