GOOD WEEK BAD WEEK

MULTITASKING

A rider who before work and while riding ordered a part for the lorry, booked a car service and arranged for her internet to be fixed was smug. “The only issue was when I trotted, while on speaker; there was a lot of snorting,” she said. Horse or rider, is the question…

UNDERWEAR

Found at a yard in the US, a barely-there pair of knickers abandoned in an arena.

Staff placed a cone next to the garment so she, or he, who owned it could locate it. “Who rides in a thong?” asked one onlooker. Not that person, clearly.

AMBITIONS

A BMW survey came up with a top 20 of UK adults’ ambitions. Surprisingly, “master a foreign language” came top, but “ride a horse” was at number seven, between “drive on a racetrack” and the intriguing “take up painting”. Thrills.

DETOURS

For future reference, should you, while your sat nav is telling you to stay on the M4 for 28 miles, see a yellow sign to “Badminton Horse Trials”, don’t follow it, lest you fancy a magical mystery tour of Swindon before your sat nav gently guides you back to the M4 half an hour later. Or so we’ve heard…

LANGUAGE

The owner of a horsebox that had just failed its MOT did not hear what was said in a muffled shout from the service area. “I’m sorry about the expletives,” said a receptionist. “No problem,” said the rider. “I said worse when it failed.” Wash your mouth out, young lady.

MORE LANGUAGE

A rider taking her car for a suspected slow puncture to be investigated was asked by the mechanic which one was the problem. “It’s the near hind,” she said, to blank looks all round. You can take the girl out of the yard…