Comedy gold mined in spoof quiz show B
THE delightful Meghan Markle is said to be planning to break with tradition by making a speech at her wedding to Prince Harry in May.
That’s nothing. My daughter Sian not only spoke at her wedding, she had a best woman on the top table who also gave a speech. And why not? Her husband had a best man. Sian’s degree was in women’s studies and social policy and she remains an active and vocal supporter of equality and women’s rights, which is the field in which she works.
So that made me extra careful about the gags I could use in my speech as father of the bride.
Mind you I managed to slip in BC quiz show Mastermind has banned some specialist subjects because they are so popular, researchers can no longer find questions that haven’t been used before.
Fawlty Rowers, Blackadder and Father Ted have all been dropped, and so has JK Rowling after 262 requests for Harry Potter in one year.
The show remains popular after 46 years.
The Two Ronnies tapped into its amusing potential back in 1980 with a sketch where Ronnie Corbett’s specialist subject was: To answer the question before last, each time.
Barker was questionmaster and the result produced such classics as:
Complete the quotation: To Be or Not To Be. They’re both the same? Correct. What is famous for? That is the question. Correct. Who is the present archbishop of Canterbury?
He’s a fat man who tells blue a small bit of advice. “The secret of a successful marriage,” I said, “is to keep the romance alive.
“Always find time each week for a romantic dinner for two, with soft music, candle light and a nice bottle of wine.
“I go Mondays and Maria goes Thursdays.”
But I left out the one about the two old chaps having a pint and talking about wedding anniversaries.
“It’ll be my golden wedding next month,” said Fred.
“What did you do for your silver wedding?” said Bert.
“Took the wife to Bridlington,” said Fred.
“What will you do for your 50th? said Bert.
“I thought I might go and bring her back.” jokes. And no forgetting: What is a jockstrap? To which Corbett answered: A nutcase. All quiz shows have their funny moments, usually when contestants give wrong answers or are unable to see the obvious. The following are a selection of the daftest moments in British general knowledge embarrassment from local radio phone-ins to Family Fortunes. Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell; Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the dental hospital; What was Hitler’s first name? Heil; What was Gandhi’s first name? Goosey; What is the nationality of the Pope? Is he Jewish? And wait, there’s more. “Where do you think Cambridge University is?”Asked the quiz master. “Geography point.” “There’s a clue in the title.” “Leicester.” And how about this for a beauty from The Weakest Link: “Oscar
Going on a demanding show such as Mastermind involves swotting and having a brain like a computer hard drive.
Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?”
To which the contestant answered: “The Conservative Party.”
Going on a demanding show such as Mastermind involves swotting and having a brain like a computer hard drive.
I’m at a loss at our Monday Club when we do the Telegraph crossword. My daughter made a speech at her wedding like Megan Markle is rumoured to be planning when she and Prince Harry tie the knot I pretend disdain for not answering the obvious (well, they’re obvious once they’ve been answered) and am consistently useless when the quiz master says: “Literature. One for you, Denis.” Oh no it isn’t. I’d find it hard to pick any subject, including general knowledge, in which I would be confident.
What would your specialist subject be?