Need a laugh? I’ve got a few CRACKERS ....
MARKS and Spencer are offering a charity box of 12, of what they describe as the world’s funniest Christmas crackers, for £15. Paddy McGuinness, Dawn French and others have all contributed with the jokes and the crackers come complete with funny hats and “photo props” such as glasses, moustache and mouth.
Traditional, you might say, while raising money for good causes.
At the other end of the scale, Fortnum and Mason are selling a box of six Majestic Christmas Crackers, that contain expensive designer gifts, for £1,000.
A rider on their website states: “You must be over 12 to purchase this item and the person receiving this item must also be over 12. You will be asked to confirm this when you checkout.”
So careful when using mummy’s Gold card, then.
Goodness knows what quality of jokes their crackers will contain. Perhaps Michael Mcintyre will turn up to deliver the laughs in person.
The obvious joke for ordinary folk, of course, is spending a grand on six crackers and it led me to look for more humour in the approach to a festival of religious importance that is also a time of jollity and laughter. The Morecambe and Wise Christmas specials remain legendary.
The season is certainly something to look forward to after a year when the pandemic has been enough of a trial without Brexit chaos and the threat of The Donald to world stability from across the Pond. As long as we celebrate sensibly and bear in mind the advice of medical experts about staying safe. As Professor Gabriel Scally said: “There is no point having a merry Christmas then burying relatives in January.”
Whoops! Time for a gag or five. And what better way to lift the gloom than actual cracker gags of a calibre you are unlikely to find in a £1,000 gift box.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose. And who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
Are you laughing yet? Well, you should try harder.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive? One day my prints will come. And what did Adam say, the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve. Go on, force yourself. Only 32 days to go...