You can keep your paella thanks... mine’s a pasty
IWAS delighted to read of a gastronomic breakthrough that pokes a finger in the eye of European elitism. Those continentals are always making fun of British cuisine. They probably wouldn’t give Gordon Ramsey or Nigella Lawson elbow room in their kitchens. On second thoughts, those Latin types might make room for Nigella.
The French, for generations, have called us Les Rosbifs – who is this Les?
And yet much of their food is inedible to Brits. Journeys in Europe need careful planning to ensure the places visited have a McDonalds or Kentucky Fried Chicken for proper sustenance.
Benidorm can be trusted because all the bars do Full English but if you are going somewhere even American civilisation hasn’t reached, take lots of Marmite sandwiches. That is if you like Marmite, which I do.
They boast about their cordon bleu superiority but did you know they eat blood soup in Germany? And maggot cheese in Sardinia, horse meat in France and bulls testicles in Spain. Google says so, so it must be true.
Oh yes, and they eat lard in Slovakia, not dripping, which was God’s gift to the British, but lard. And they have the gall to criticise our grub?
Taking all this into consideration, it’s great news that Greggs, the champion of British epicurean high street delight, are planning to open three new shops a week next year. And... wait for it... they are going foreign.
As one excited city investment broker said: “Greggs is going global.” They are planning to open a chain of shops in Europe. Put that in your sauerkraut and eat it.
We’ll soon have a Greggs on the Champs-Élysées in Paris and by the Colosseum in Rome. Sausage rolls and pasties will become universal and British travellers will never have to worry again about what goes in paella or confuse squid with chewing gum.
My pal Wimps has campaigned for the rights of traditional British food ever since in a Paris restaurant he asked the waiter if he had frogs legs. “Oui, Monsieur,” he said.
“Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich,” he said.
You have to have a sense of humour in Europe. Mind, you have to have an even better one in Britain these days.
We’ll soon have a Greggs on the ChampsÉlysées in Paris and by the Colosseum in Rome