‘Moving my BODY helped my MIND’
Claire Andrews, 33, is a care assistant. She lives in Rhyl, Clwyd, with her husband Dan, and two sons Finley, eight and Freddie, six
My little boy, Finley, was practically jumping up and down with excitement about his very first sports day. ‘Will you be in the mums’ race?’ he asked. ‘Yes, of course,’ I smiled, panicking inside. When the race was about to start, I just couldn’t face it. I felt like everyone would be judging me, as I came last. When he realised I wasn’t running, Finley burst into tears. I felt like the worst mum ever.
It didn’t get any better after that. On Christmas Eve, I’d been so excited to buy the whole family matching Christmas pyjamas, but looking at myself in my too-tight size-18 PJS in the mirror, my heart sank. After just 10 minutes I jumped up. ‘I’m too hot in these!’ I lied, forcing a smile. ‘I’m just going to take them off for now.’ I fought back the tears. I knew I was missing so much with my boys, but anxiety had me in its grasp. I’d felt unhappy with my weight since university, then after having emergency C-sections with both my boys, I turned to food for comfort during recovery. I couldn’t find the energy to cook, and with each pound I gained, my mental health took a dive. I’d been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, before Finley was born, and prescribed medication. After Freddie was born, I’d been eased off the tablets. And, over time, my weight felt like an added burden on my mental health.
I knew I had to do something, but I was terrified about the idea of walking through the doors of a weight-loss group, so in January 2018 I joined Slimming World Online, weighing 17st 4lbs. As the weeks passed, I learnt all about Food Optimising, and started cooking from scratch again. I stuck to the plan, and as the numbers on the scales began to fall, I started to feel a glimmer of hope.
I was aware of the Body Magic activity programme but hadn’t looked into it properly. Meanwhile, I made a decision. The following morning, I told the boys: ‘We’re leaving a bit earlier for school today. We’re going to walk.’ Just saying it out loud, I could feel the panic rising but I couldn’t let them down. Over the next few weeks, we walked to school every day and I slowly began to feel more confident. Becoming more active was having a noticeable effect on my mood – I felt able to do things that had once seemed impossible. So, in March 2019, having lost 4st, I was ready to join a group. My Consultant, Caroline, and the other members at the group in Rhyl were friendly, welcoming and so supportive, and I picked up lots of new ideas. I wanted to do more exercise, so one afternoon, feeling brave, I wheeled my old bike out of the shed. I hadn’t ridden it for years. It felt really good. So I got my sons’ bicycles out, too. When we got back home, I realised something. I hadn’t worried about what anyone would think, I’d just let myself enjoy it – it felt so liberating!
By September 2019, I felt happier than I had in years. When I was walking, being outside in the fresh air really lifted my spirits, and the sense of achievement as I was getting fitter improved my mood.
Six months later, the country went into its first lockdown. With the kids off school and my deep fear of accidentally carrying the virus into the care home where I worked, my anxiety levels soared.
I knew exercise was said to help with mental health, so I turned to activity rather than comfort food. I bought a weighted hula hoop and practised. I also started doing a virtual HIIT yoga class.
Since reaching my target weight of 10st 4lbs, I’m sure that being active has helped to keep me there. And I know, for me, it’s more than just physical. Regular activity has lifted my confidence and self-esteem.
This June, Dan and I finally got married after being engaged for years. I’d put the wedding off because I couldn’t bear the thought of people looking at me as I walked down the aisle. On the big day, I even felt confident enough in my beautiful gown to look up at people and smile.
These days I find myself saying ‘yes’ all the time. ‘Yes’ when the boys want to try a fun activity.
And ‘yes’ to new challenges!