10 things to never say to a London Marathon runner
It’s that time of year again, the Boat Race, Grand National in its wake (mine’s still running) and on its shoulder, Sunday’s annual festival for Joe and Jill Jogger, the secondlargest event of its kind – give it up, ladies and gentlemen, for the London Marathon.
If late-night TV news clips of celeb runners grimacing along the final stretch of the Embankment, diving suits and unfeasibly fast “vegetables” come to mind, forget what you know.
Your vital role is to offer some kind, gentle words of encouragement so that your runner makes it to the finish line intact and you can get on with the important task of celebrating. Just make sure you don’t say any of the following:
1.How long is it again?
After training daily for about six months, the last thing the runner in your life wants to hear is that you don’t know how long their cherished event is. For the record, it’s 42.2km or 26.2 miles. That 13.1 mile or 21.5k in your head? That’ll be the half.
2. Why are you leaving so early?
My running brothers and sisters need to be on the train by 7am to get there in time for the start at 10am. We all have our running rituals – getting lubed up and ready for (running) action and queueing up three times in a row for the Portaloos (to avoid repeats of what Paula R did live on TV in 2005).
3. Easier to get to the start by car? Nope. A running colleague tried this and ended up being forced to peg it for an extra mile or so before even getting to Greenwich. Don’t. Yes, there was Joasia Zakrzewski, a top athlete who travelled for 2.5 miles in a race by car – of course it’s cheating, don’t even go there.
4. See you at the end near Buckingham Palace?
Erm . . not exactly. The last 0.2 bit of the Mall, the killer section, gets spectacularly crowded. Charing Cross station isn’t that bad a bet and the walk helps gets the runner’s limbs moving again.
5. So where will I see you then? Buxton Water Station in Millwall could be a good spot, as this is where the crowds thin out a bit. You might even have time for a stop’n’snog.
6. And when?
There are about 49,999 other runners who will all be soaking up the party atmosphere, complete with sofas lined with friends sipping ale, DJs, Pearly Kings and Queens and steel bands. For many it’s a once in a lifetime experience to be savoured. Keep checking the tracking app. We’ll take our time.
7. Why do you do it?
If you are going to ask, best pop the question far in advance or a few days afterwards – never on the day of the race. Marathons are a massive mental strain. The usual response? Partly for charity (last year runners raised £63m) and losing two stone in the build-up is always nice, no?
8. Your trainers are knackered – don’t you need some new ones? Listen, the last thing we want is the risk of new gear that we’re not used to – nothing different on the day. Those trusted running shoes will get us there. Believe.
9. So selfish
Maybe – so just make sure your runner gives it back to you in terms of childcare time or takes you somewhere exotic. If they suggest Georgia though, they might be eyeing the Augusta marathon...
10. You’re not doing another one? Too much, too soon...for now, let’s lie back, sip a glass of something sparkling and share some of that legendary post-marathon glow. Now, have you seen the remote? I want to see how Romesh got on.