Mediation – from solving spats to meeting killers
Most people probably think a mediation service deals with neighbour disputes over garden boundaries, but there is a lot more to it than that.
Maidstone Mediation Scheme (MMS), founded in 1989 and based at Maidstone Community Support Centre in Marsham Street, has helped patch up differences between parents and their offspring, stepped into school spats, and even watched a mother hug the man who murdered her son.
Manager Kim Salisbury said MMS pioneered restorative justice in Kent and recalled a time when a mum whose son was killed by a single blow to the head came face-to-face with his killer in Maidstone Prison.
Kim said: “The victims and their families want to know ‘why me?’, ‘where are the things you stole from me?’.
“For the offender it’s an opportunity to do something good. It can be very powerful and very emotional. Forgiveness is often given and apologies are accepted.
“This lady said: ‘When you’re released I don’t want you to waste your life. There’s no point two lives being wasted’.”
The session ended with the mother and murderer embracing and everyone in the room in tears.
MMS volunteers visit Maidstone schools, offering anger management to pupils with social, emotional and mental health needs, and helping resolve conflicts between pupils, staff and parents.
They also step in when parents and teenagers are rowing, sometimes when alcohol and drugs are making the conflict worse.
Kim said: “There can be lots going on with parents that they don’t want to tell a young person during an argument. It’s about understanding.”
Two mediators deal with every case, one starting with each party before everyone meets in a neutral environment.
But mediation is not always about giving someone what they want.
One couple, complaining about their apparently wealthy neighbours’ reluctance to cut down tall leylandii trees, discovered through mediation they had lost their business and could not afford the work. The problem was not solved but the complainants had more sympathy and the tension between the households eased.