Mum suffering with cancer planning for her own funeral
Not many of us would like to think about dying, but a motherof-two with a terminal illness wants people to be more open.
Karen Ruler has spoken openly about planning for her funeral as part of the national Dying Matters Week. The 49-year-old is currently receiving care from Heart of Kent Hospice for ovarian cancer, and wants to help her family come to terms with her illness.
She said: “I want to organise my own funeral because I’d like it to run in a certain way and to take the pain and anguish away from my parents.
“It’s nice to tie things up, and it’s reassuring to know when I die my family have the time to grieve rather than thinking about planning a funeral.”
The process has enabled the Yalding mum and her children to add personal touches to the ceremony.
Her 19- year- old daughter, Annie, has said she would like to be a pallbearer, and her 22-year- old son Harry is working on a playlist of songs that mean something to his mum and the family.
She said: “At my funeral, which I’m calling Karen’s knees-up, when friends or family members hear a particular song, they’ll know I’ve included it because it reminds me of them.
“Because I have this time, I’d like to get things organised. It’s the same with making my will. Now I’m making the decisions for myself and that’s what I want. After all, you make decisions about your wedding, your mar- riage, your home, and everything else. Why not your funeral?”
OJ Tidball, head of community outreach at Heart of Kent Hospice, said: “Often people don’t know how to approach someone who is dying or has suffered bereavement. They may shut down the conversation or even avoid them because they’re fearful of saying the wrong thing.
“Our advice would be to let the person know you are there for them if they want to talk or need help. It’s OK not to know what to say and to simply listen.”