‘I got to 22 weeks before I was told my baby would die’
Expectant mum Ashley Arnold was told her son would die before birth. She’s now determined to raise money for charity in his honour. Cara Simmonds reports.
Like many mums, when Ashley Arnold found out she was expecting again she was ecstatic.
The 35-year-old from Courtenay Road, Tovil, said: “I paid for a private scan at 16 weeks and some abnormalities were picked up.
“I was referred to specialists in Medway hospital, and they said a small part of his spine was open. I was planning to have an operation whilst still pregnant that could seal the baby’s back.”
It was when referred to King’s College Hospital in London that doctors found her son, whom she had named Ronnie-Ray, had spina bifida a rare spinal condition which, according to Public Health England, is found in about six babies out of every 10,000. He also had Potter’s syndrome which can lead to a complete absence of kidneys. The mum of eight explained: “The top of his neck to the bottom of his back was completely open.
“He had no kidneys, his lungs weren’t developing and he had a hole in his heart. “I got to 22 weeks before they told me he would die regardless of what I did, whether I wanted to keep him or not.
This heart-breaking news came at the same time she chose the name Ronnie-Ray. However the Maidstone mum believed ‘termination was not an option’.
“It was absolutely devastating when they said to me you have the option to terminate.
“I went home and researched for weeks. But doctors said because he also had Potter’s syndrome he wouldn’t live past a couple of hours after being born.
“The choice was taken away from me then, obviously I don’t want to see my son go through that, so I had to stop
his heart.”
Doctors told Ashley that because of the stage of pregnancy, Ronnie-Ray would be put down as a foetus on his death certificate.
“I point blank refused. He is not a foetus, he is a child, he is my son.
“I made them wait another two weeks, even though they told me not to, just so I could have him down as a person on the records.
“This was going to be on my terms, not theirs.
“I had to give birth normally and he had a lovely send off.” Ronnie-Ray sadly passed away on August 11 last year. Now Ashley is determined to raise £2,000 for families
affected by spina bifida, to try and keep her son’s memory alive.
She says: “You can look at it in a bad way, or you can make something positive out of it. And that is what myself and my kids want to do.
“We only had him for a little while, but we still had him.
“If we help other people, that is something good coming out of something bad that has happened to us.”
Ashley is raising money for the charity Shine, which provides specialist support for families.
The fundraiser will be held at Boughton Monchelsea Village Hall on Saturday, May 14 at 12pm.
Ashley says she’s determined to hit the £2,000 goal - which would go towards supporting at least 10 families.
“So far my children have raised £228 from doing both a sponsored silence and walk at their schools.
“My brother has even been looking into jumping out of planes!
“I couldn’t have better people around me to be honest, it’s brilliant.”