Litter patrol a really rubbish idea

They’re so low-profile that it’s sometimes difficult to believe they exist. In this respect they share the characteristics of some predatory insects and fishes – the sneaky ones that lurk out of sight before suddenly leaping out to capture unsuspecting prey.

They make no real difference to the environment in which they operate, unlike traffic wardens who help to keep things moving on our overcongested in-town roads.

The persons to whom I refer are, of course, our over-valued litter police.

No one but an idiot could believe a couple of nearinvisible individuals are going to make the slightest difference to the amount of litter dropped in an area comprising North Street, the upper and lower High Streets, Bank Street and all the other byways that serve the town centre.

If, in fact, they were to make the difference claimed, there would be no need for the gentleman who tours the town all day, every day, shoving a barrow and picking up stuff with his grab-stick.

As it is, our town centre streets are mainly kept clean by the chap who drives the industrial hoover around early in the morning, from which point the fag ends, drinks cans, unwanted receipts, etcetera, slowly increase in numbers until, at night, they are joined by takeaway packaging and small pools of vomit.

The only value the litter police have is to make a small contribution to council coffers. If they were to make a real contribution to tidiness, they would have to be high-profile, wearing uniforms clearly visible, perhaps in the style of Sir Litternot.

They would, perhaps, be equipped with flashing lights and some form of loud hailer. This would greatly inhibit their personal earning potential by shifting their role from that of predation to one of actual deterrence. It would also, of course, make a small dent in the municipal income, but would our councillors really prefer cleaner streets to a little less dosh?

Sadly, there are enough potential ‘hangers and floggers’ who would prefer to see people punished for, rather than deterred from, committing minor misdemeanours.

As with Halloween, Britain has adopted yet another sad American tradition – ‘Black Friday’. It began in America on the day after Thanksgiving (a Thursday). It was a one-day event to reduce pre-Christmas prices.

Baby, look at it now!