Kentish Express Ashford & District
‘I drove my husband 500 miles so he could end his lilife’
If a loved one was suffering from a terminal condition, with their quality of life dimin nishing every day, and they asked you to help th hem die, what would you do? It’s a question we all hope never to be faced with. Saying no would potentially mean havi
Sandra Barclay met Andrew when she was 18, and he just 16. They married and travelled the world together, before having a son and moving to Hawkinge, near Folkestone.
But their lives were to change forever when in 1992 Andrew was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
“Andrew had always been full of life, and he dealt with it extremely well,” said Sandra, 70.
“But he said to me when he was diagnosed, ‘if this gets really bad, I’m not hanging around’. And I knew then exactly what he meant.”
The MS began in his feet, before moving up to his legs and waist.
But by 2013, 24 years into his battle, the condition had ravaged his body and was affecting his bowel, bladder, walking, and eventually his sight, preventing him from driving.
“He just really had no quality of life,” said Sandra. “He said, ‘Sand, I can’t carry on like this’.”
The couple sat down with their son, David, and discussed Andrew’s wish to end his life.
“Andrew has always been very honest. So we knew it was the thing for him to do,” she said.
In 2014, the family took a trip to Ephesus - an ancient Greek city in Turkey Andrew had always dreamed of visiting. But he was unable to access the ruins, which are set in rugged countryside, and instead had to view them from a distance.
“When we got back home he said, ‘I’m going to start the procedure’,” said Sandra.
Andrew, a former Met police officer, contacted assisted dying organisation Dignitas and began what would be a 13-month ordeal of providing documents and medical history.
The non-profit firm also required independent reports from two Swiss doctors.
“They need to know so much,” said Sandra. “It was all taking time.
“Andrew was really worried he was going to lose the strength in his arms and upper body, because when you go to Dignitas nobody can help you take the drink. You have to administer it yourself.”
Andrew was so concerned about this that, unbeknown to his wife, he bought drugs online from America that would help him to end his life in case he could not make it to Dignitas.
“I found a screwed-up receipt from Western Union for $500 and when I challenged Andrew he told me what he’d done,” said Sandra. “Then we realised it was a scam. They never sent the drugs, they just cashed the money.
“So I phoned our local police, and they sent two officers around to interview us. We’ve always been very honest. We explained everything to them, and they said ‘I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in’. They knew we were going to Dignitas.”
Those who help another person die can face up to 14 years in prison in the UK. But Sandra says she was never investigated by police, despite informing them of their plans.
The Barclays paid £10,000 to Dignitas to end Andrew’s life.
“Then we had our travel expenses and everything,” said Sandra. “We were lucky enough to be able to afford to pay that. Lots of people can’t.
“I really was in a dreadful state, but I put on a brave face.
“It was a job we knew we had to do.
“We spoke about literally everything. I’d done my grieving really, before I went.”
As Andrew, then aged 65, had a stoma bag, he was unable to travel by plane to Switzerland.
So in early December 2016, shortly before Christmas, Sandra drove him the 500-mile journey to Dignitas.
“As strange as it may seem, we did enjoy ourselves on the journey over,” she said.
On December 8, 2016, the couple had breakfast in their hotel near Zurich, before driving to Dignitas - which Sandra describes as “a pretty little bungalow building” decorated to feel like a house.
“We went in and had coffee, and spoke to a man and a woman called ‘befrienders’,” she recalled.
“We sat at a table in a dining room and had more things to sign, and coffee and cakes.
“Andrew had a coffee and a cigarette in the garden. It was a beautiful day - a lovely blue sky.
“When he finished we went back inside.
“One of the befrienders said, ‘you don’t have to do it right away, you can come back tomorrow’.
“But Andrew said, ‘no, I’ll do it at midday, but until then I’d like to go back into the garden to have another cigarette and coffee’.”
Patients are allowed to choose where they take a drug that causes death by respiratory arrest.
Andrew chose to sit on a sofa in the living room area, and Sandra sat on a chair in front of him.
“We said our goodbyes,” said Sandra. “I said, ‘bye Andrew, I’ll always love you’.
“He was still making us laugh, right until the end.
“They came in with the drug and said, ‘we have to stay with you to make sure you take it all’. Then they said, ‘if you want us, we’ll be in the kitchen’.
“Andrew said the drug wasn’t working. But his words were slurred.
“I couldn’t cry any more. I’d done all my crying.
“I stayed with him and held his hand and I knew he was slipping away.
“I’d already said ‘I will stay with you after you’ve gone and I will kiss you again, but when you’re cold...I want to remember you as you were in life’.
“He looked so peaceful - he looked like he would some evenings watching the TV, when he’d fall asleep.
“I kissed him, and said I loved him. “Then I left. I didn’t want to go back to the hotel. They pointed me in the direction of a very pretty park.
“I parked up and walked around the lake and saw the birds. That was the Thursday afternoon. I came back on the Friday morning.”
Andrew is one of an estimated 350 Britons who have ended their lives at Dignitas.
In the few years that have passed since his death, Sandra has joined the Dignity in Dying campaign group and fought fiercely for the law to be changed in the UK. She has appeared on ITV’s This Morning and spoke in the House of Commons this summer as part of a major debate by MPs on the subject of assisted dying.
“We make all our other choices through life - when we get married, when we have children,” she said. “Why can’t you choose when you die?
“Andrew was a wonderful man. He was my best friend and we loved each other. It was a great wrench.
“Everybody should be able to have the choice to end their life in their own home. I never dwell on the sad things when there are so many lovely memories of Andrew.
“I’m very positive and I have a goal: I want to change the law.”