I felt like there was nothing we could do

Joy and Barry Parkinson hoped their son Toby would find happiness when he followed his love for music on a course at Canterbury College. Playing guitar was his main passion, rather than academic studies. But the depression that had shrouded his teenage years, and seen him spend some time in a mental health unit, eventually became too much. Tragically, he was found hanged in woods near the house he shared on the Poet’s Estate in Canterbury. He was just 20. Speaking from her home in Oxford Street, Margate, Joy revealed how Toby refused to discuss his mental health problems or receive counselling. “It felt like there was nothing we could do because he wouldn’t talk to us,” she said. “He saw us as the enemy, I think, and because he had moved out to Canterbury, we couldn’t see the down- ward spiral he was getting in to. “We didn’t hear much from him and all we knew about his life was what we saw on Facebook.” Joy, 49, a pathology lab technician, believes that while girls will talk about their feelings, boys are far more reluctant to. “I’m sure that’s the case, certainly among their peer group,” she said. She says that Toby’s depression was compounded by his excessive drinking but, although he had selfharmed in the past, she never suspected he would take his own life. “We didn’t realise how serious it was, she said. “When the police came round after Toby was found we were obviously shocked because we never thought that he would actually kill himself. “But it felt like no one could help him because he wasn’t prepared to help himself.” Toby was one of five brothers and, since his death, Joy says that other family friends have disclosed how they have become more aware and vigilant about their children’s moods and emotions. She also believes that websites like Facebook, used by so many young people, could play a bigger role in deterring suicides and directing vulnerable people to the relevant support. Tellingly, the night before his death, Toby had posted: “I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to have a mid-life crisis. My life is a [expletive] crisis.”