Why endless fireworks are bang out of order

Listen. Can you hear anything? Open the front door and check. Just as I thought, another firework. As M&S might say, these are no ordinary pyrotechnics but an arsenal of monstrous, industrial-scale mortars from the Battle of the Somme powerful enough to put a man back on the moon.

And since when did Guy Fawkes Night, November 5 if my history serves me, start in September and carry on into the dying embers of November?

I don’t begrudge families holding firework parties in their gardens, especially when there have been no public displays. And I understand not everyone can celebrate on the same day. But when these blasts go on for weeks it gets my dander up.

At the risk of being branded a fuddy-duddy

I really don’t see the point in making these explosives loud enough to be heard on the other side of the galaxy.

As a boy, I spent weeks collecting leaves to build a guy to burn on the bonfire and was mightily entertained by an admittedly pathetic rocket disappearing into the night sky from a precariously placed milk bottle. When I first became a reporter the question to hospitals on November 6 was always: “How many firework injuries have you had?”

Luckily, times change. We learned to boycott our own bonfires and go to public displays. And the quaint practice of setting off ‘bangers’ and ‘squibs’ around grandma was outlawed. Perhaps change is needed again? And don’t say it will infringe human rights. Remember, remember it is illegal to drink and drive and not to wear a seat belt. The RSPCA is running a Bang Out Of Order campaign after more than 80 animals were injured by fireworks from October 26 to November 9 and that’s not including Diwali, Christmas and New Year. It wants fireworks restricted to set days, their noise reduced from 120 to 90 decibels and all displays licensed. That would be bang on!

‘And since when did Guy Fawkes Night, November 5 if my history serves me, start in September and carry on into the dying embers of November?’