Chips with everything

THE only chips you’ll find in my 1984 Ninety are the sort you have with salt and vinegar – occasional escapees from the portions of fish and chips that remain my favourite takeaway meal whenever I visit the coast. There are definitely no chips of the semiconductor variety in my no-frills Land Rover, which is just how I like it. The simpler the better is my motto when it comes to cars, so forgive me for feeling ever so slightly smug when I heard that there is a global shortage of that other sort of chips.

The problem is, the world relies upon computer chips. These days, anything that can be computerised is computerised, whether it needs to be – or not.

For example, anglers used to weigh their catches on spring balances – simple bits of virtually indestructible metal that could be chucked in the bottom of a tackle bag and endlessly abused, yet never fail to do the job they were intended for. These days, anglers pay much more for computerised digital scales that do the same job for more money, yet are fragile, have to be carefully coddled and are of course useless when the batteries go flat.

In the case of cars, these days you get a digital dashboard instead of a simple analogue speedo and tacho. Why? Most of the features offered by so-called infotainment screens are duplicated by your mobile phone, anyway.

It’s pointless technology for technology’s sake – and it relies on computerisation, which in turn relies on those chips.

The shortage of semiconductor chips has been brought about by the factories that make them either shutting down or slowing down production during lockdown, coupled with a big leap in PC sales for folk working from home and gaming stations for folk stuck at home who would rather play. It’s the perfect storm and experts say it will be two years before the manufacturers of the chips catch up with demand. Meanwhile, companies including Jaguar Land Rover have temporarily halted production on occasions in recent months because there aren’t enough chips to go round.

JLR needs computer chips more than most. These days, some buyers of new Land Rovers would be horrified to learn that there are drivers who still rely upon mirrors to see what is behind them. After all, who would want to use a bit of cheap mirrored glass when you could pay thousands of pounds for a computerised camera that does the same job?

I’m unreliably informed that the average full-fat Range Rover has more computers than PC World. But cars don’t have to be complicated. The name Land Rover used to be synonymous with rugged simplicity. In my case it still does.

I can’t remember ever hearing a clamour from motorists for more gadgets. But they get them anyway. Clever marketing brainwashes otherwise sane people into believing that they need all this computerised gadgetry. And they are happy with it… Until it starts going wrong. That’s why the depreciation on the more complicated luxury Range Rover models is so eyewateringly high.

I appreciate that the wealthy people who buy new Range Rovers can afford to suffer that sort of hit to their pocket, but when the annual cost of depreciation on a vehicle is higher than some folk earn in a year, then there has be something fundamentally wrong with the society we live in. The gap between rich and poor is getting wider, but history tells us that it cannot continue indefinitely without conflict.

Motoring is going to be the future battleground of the haves and have-nots in our society. Why? Because manufacturers soon won’t be able to build cheap cars any more. Thanks to government intervention, we are fast heading to the point where only electric vehicles may be built and, unless there’s a very drastic change to the pricing of those EVS, only the rich will be able to afford them. The fact that EVS rely upon rare earth metals like lithium and cobalt, which some nations are rumoured to be stockpiling, makes the future even more precarious.

In ten years, the wealthy will drive expensive EVS, while the poor will struggle on with the ever-dwindling stock of vehicles with internal combustion engines. They can’t turn to public transport, because for vast swathes of the country there is none.

Ironically, many people have deserted public transport in favour of car ownership in the last year because of the safety and security it brings them during a deadly pandemic. Nobody now enjoying the freedom of personal mobility afforded by their own car will willingly surrender that freedom. And that’s why this issue will become a battleground.

“I’m unreliably informed that the average full-fat Range Rover has more computers than PC World. But cars don’t have to be complicated”