TECH THE HALLS...
From clever cards to naughty-list baubles, LUKE RIX-STANDING guides you through the digital way to do Christmas
In theory, at least, Christmas is a time of tradition. From 16th century carols to the mandatory family board game, a back-to-basics approach has dominated Christmases gone by. In the home, high-tech gadgetry has tended to play second fiddle to vegetation: Mistletoe, wreaths, Christmas trees, the holly and the ivy...
But not any more. The tech revolution has long since claimed the presents under the tree, and now it’s coming for the ornaments that adorn it. Don your Santa hat and start up your smartphone, it’s time to decorate your dwelling with some digital Christmas miracles.
TECHY TREES
First, a look at every home’s festive centrepiece – the Christmas tree.
Electric lights have long been a seasonal standard, but over the last few years, companies like Twinkly have created new, versatile tree lights by combining hi-tech hardware with the veritable Santa’s sack known as the App Store.
Twinkly’s Smart App Controlled Christmas Fairy Lights (£84.99, festive-lights.com) come with an in-built timer, and a firework display of colours and patterns, which can be easily manipulated from your mobile.
After a few demo runs, you can even draw your own patterns on your smartphone. A few taps of a touchscreen and your living room will be lit up like, well, a Christmas tree.
Once your tree is suitably illuminated, you can add audio with a Bluetooth bauble – an app-controlled ornament that looks like a normal decoration, but sounds like your local church choir.
Many models come complete with a pre-programmed set of Christmas songs, but if a whole month of Jingle Bells isn’t quite your jam, then hop on your smartphone and play your own music, Christmas or otherwise.
These are widely sold on the high street, but at this stage in December, ebay is probably your best bet.
The award for 2018’s most inventive festive trinket (though sadly it’s sold out and unavailable in the UK anyway) goes to the Naughty Or Nice Bauble, developed by Australian retailer Myer. A large translucent sphere, children must watch in horror and delight as it glows either green or red, symbolising whether they have been nice or naughty.
Of course, it’s not the result of Santa double-checking his lists: It’s controlled by – you guessed it – an app on a nearby smartphone.
CARDS AND CALENDARS
Second only to trees in the prechristmas run up, is the buying and sending of Christmas cards. But for those who don’t want the hassle, expense or clutter, there’s now a range of digital options that will keep your home cardboard-free.
Christmas cards have long been synonymous with December mantelpieces, but in 2018, e-cards are the order of the day. Some are animated, while others can be printed out and placed around the home like ‘normal’ Christmas cards.
Jacquie Lawson (£9 annual membership for all the cards you’ll ever send) sets the e-card standard with its range of boutique, handdrawn offerings that make high-end Hallmark look tacky, while the Victorian Trading Company (free of charge) creates printable e-cards inspired by prints and drawings from Victorian England.
You can inject a little humour with animated cards from Jibjab (free and paid memberships available).
Examples include the ‘Macareindeer’ and ‘Santa’s Twerkshop’ (it’s exactly what it sounds like), and a Psy-themed card in which a relative of your choice acts out the Gangnam Style music video from beneath a giant Santa hat.
For all you dog lovers out there, give Sloppy Kiss Cards (annual membership costs around £11) a look.
Its standard printable e-card features a festive template, a personalised message, and dog pictures from a library of 167 distinct breeds.
DOMESTIC DECOR
With your Christmas tree locked and loaded and your Christmas cards successfully coded, it’s time to turn the rest of your living room into a homemade Santa’s Grotto.
Santa holograms are a nice left-turn option, and Virtual Santa kits ($309/£244, virtualsanta.com, shipped in five to six working days) can project a festive scene onto your windows.
To the passerby, your front room will resemble Santa’s workshop, complete with scampering elves and congenial Father Christmas.
Alternatively, cloak the walls of your home – inside or out – with a layer of dancing snowflakes, with an Auraglow Snowfall Projector (£29.99, auraglow.co.uk).
Even the humble Christmas jumper is becoming computerised.
A new jumper from Morphsuits – widelyknown for making the full-body, spandex onesies so popular at student house parties – comes emblazoned with a flickering, crackling fireplace (£34.95, morphsuits.co.uk). Don’t worry, it’s a not a fire hazard – the flame is displayed by an app on your smartphone, via a pouch down the jumper’s front.
Technically this gloriously unfashionable piece of knitwear will adorn your person, not your home, but it’s unlikely you’ll want to wear it anywhere else. You also won’t be able to use your phone while wearing it.
But it’s Christmas – put your phone in your jumper, grit your teeth, and talk to your relatives.
CHRISTMAS CONNECTIVITY
With cards distributed and interiors meticulously decorated, you’re now ready to enjoy Christmas Day amid the finest of festive tech. One final point: Depending on how many relatives descend upon your home, demanding wi-fi as well as Christmas dinner, you may want to consider buying a wi-fi booster. You can pick up a Netgear N300 wi-fi range extender for £19.99 (Argos.co.uk).
After all, there’s nothing worse than your Netflix collapsing two thirds of the way through Elf.