Mum’s heartbreak at order to remove items from daughter’s grave
‘WE MUST TREAT ALL GRAVE OWNERS THE SAME’ - COUNCIL
A MOTHER has been left “in tears” after she was instructed to remove ornaments from her daughter’s grave.
Carrie-Anne Smith, from Castle Donington, along with her family, has been tending to the grave in Barroon Cemetery of her daughter, Alysha, who died in August 2008.
Since then, the family have been leaving items including flowers, toys and other gifts, reports our sister paper the Derby Telegraph.
The family say they have always kept it tidy.
However, they fear all of their mementos will be lost after Castle Donington Parish Council, which runs the cemetery, ordered the items to be removed.
In a letter, which Carrie-Anne received in June, the council said the items needed to be cleared out so the grass could be “readily mowed”.
It says: “As a lawned cemetery, ultimately what we wish to see are just headstones and grass which can be readily mowed, so we cannot allow adornments and modifications which are not in keeping with this.
“We do, however, allow initial flexibility as the ground has to settle before headstones can be erected. In the initial six months or so, when the pain of bereavement is freshest, we allow the rules to be bent.
“We will also take the six-month period as guidance because we also understand such things as anniversaries and organised family visits may fall after the six-month period. Eventually though, the rules must be universally complied with.”
It added that the items present at Alysha’s grave were “contrary to the rules and regulations” and as such, would have to be taken away. The council explained the rules were for everyone with loved ones buried at the site.
It added: “The parish council has every sympathy and respect for those who have lost a loved one.
“However, ultimately, we must treat all grave/memorial owners the same.”
But Carrie-Anne says she feels the request is “cold-hearted”.
“It never gets any easier losing her, all you can do is learn to live with it,” she said.
“About 11 years ago we had a letter from the council asking us to remove them and we did remove quite a lot of the items.
“When this new one came through the door my heart sank and I cried. It was heartbreaking. They’ve no reason to go near my daughter’s grave as we cut it ourselves.”
In a follow-up letter sent at the start of October, the council added if the items were not removed by October 16, it would take them itself.
“The parish council does understand how upsetting this is for you, however, it hopes you can appreciate the need for the rules,” it said.
“Therefore, can we now request that as per our original letter, the items stated are removed by October 16, 2020, otherwise the parish council will remove them and store them for collection for a further month.
“After this time the items will be permanently discarded.”
Carrie-Anne says the decision has not only upset herself but her family as well. “They should make exceptions for children, it’s not hurting anyone,” she said.
“My dad still goes down every day and reads Cinderella to her – she loved Cinderella. At Christmas, her brothers and sisters go down and leave gifts for her. There are days when her sister cries and says she wants to be with Alysha.”
Alysha died from complications after originally contracting meningitis as a baby.
Carrie-Anne, 40, insists she won’t take the items away as she wants to continue to remember her daughter.
“I don’t think we should have to do it,” she said. “I don’t agree with it. People should be able to put what they want there.”