2019 is the year Derek becomes a new tech wizard ...
Derek James wants to make a New Year’s resolution. His first ever. To get smarter when it comes to ‘new technology’ - or at least try to.
“Hello, HELLO, where are you?” shoppers were starting to stare at me and move away.
There I was in the surrounded by fruit and veg in the supermarket with my mobile phone.
Yes, I have one, but the only time I seem to use it is when I have to meet my wife in the supermarket.
She goes shopping while I nip into the office and then I call her when I get to the shop.
“Have you got your mobile phone?” she asks.
“Yes,” I reply.
“Then please switch it on,” she adds.
I use my Christmas present from last year very rarely - when I can find it - and I haven’t got a clue what the number is.
I wrote it down on a piece of paper but lost it. The paper that is.
Anyway, I don’t ring myself and I don’t want anyone ringing me on it ... apart from my wife, of course.
As every year goes by it appears that I get lost in a sea of newfangled gadgets which I don’t understand. I have no interest in them and turn my back on them.
You see. I am one of the lucky ones, because I can and because I am lazy.
I don’t drive. I don’t pay bills. I haven’t got a clue how much we pay for gas and electricity. It is beyond me to buy anything online and when people start talking about Twitter, Facebook and the like ... I just switch off..
And why would anyone want to take a ‘selfie’ – surely they know what they look like.
My wife of almost 50 years on the other hand is a dab hand at 21st Century life.
And that is why I am lucky ... and lazy.
It is so easy for me to say: “You do it. You are better than me. I can’t be doing with all this malarky.”
When we were ‘courting’ she used to cycle to see me because the chain had come off my bike and I couldn’t put it on.
I did attempt to drive. I passed my test at the sixth go but I can’t tell my left from my right. I would signal left and turn the other way.
I once drove from Yorkshire to Norfolk thinking our old car we had hadn’t got much ‘go’ in it. I then discovered I hadn’t taken the handbrake off.
As the years went by I was happy to take a back seat – not literally, of course, that would be pushing my luck – when it came to driving.
Thanks to my wife I have been able to turn my back on new technology, online banking etc.
I have to use a laptop for work but I am indebted to Paul Betts of Lakenham, Norwich, who looks after me when it goes POP!
The other week the wretched machine went wrong. I took it into his shop. And announced it had “gone bust.” He didn’t say much, just deleted 15,000, yes 15,000, emails.
I apologised and left ...
The time has come for me to become involved with online this and that and try to climb aboard the HMS New Technology.
I owe that to my wife and if I was ever left on my own I would be in a spot of bother.
Meanwhile, I am now in the supermarket, looking for my wife who is not answering her phone. I shall have to have a word with her.
See you on Facebook in 2019 when I shall be posting a selfie of me eating a doughnut at Great Yarmouth ... only joking.
The idea of making New Year’s resolutions goes back many years. So many people start diets, or take up gym membership, or stop smoking. Do you still make yours? If so, do you keep them? What’s the most success you have had with a New Year’s resolution?
Let us know by writing to us at Let’s Talk, Prospect House, Rouen Road, Norwich, Norfolk, NR1 1RE or by email to let[email protected] co.uk
“Now, where is the on and off button?” wonders Derek.