2019 is the year Derek be­comes a new tech wiz­ard ...

Derek James wants to make a New Year’s res­o­lu­tion. His first ever. To get smarter when it comes to ‘new tech­nol­ogy’ - or at least try to.


“Hello, HELLO, where are you?” shop­pers were start­ing to stare at me and move away.

There I was in the sur­rounded by fruit and veg in the su­per­mar­ket with my mo­bile phone.

Yes, I have one, but the only time I seem to use it is when I have to meet my wife in the su­per­mar­ket.

She goes shop­ping while I nip into the of­fice and then I call her when I get to the shop.

“Have you got your mo­bile phone?” she asks.

“Yes,” I re­ply.

“Then please switch it on,” she adds.

I use my Christ­mas present from last year very rarely - when I can find it - and I haven’t got a clue what the num­ber is.

I wrote it down on a piece of pa­per but lost it. The pa­per that is.

Any­way, I don’t ring my­self and I don’t want any­one ring­ing me on it ... apart from my wife, of course.

As every year goes by it ap­pears that I get lost in a sea of new­fan­gled gad­gets which I don’t un­der­stand. I have no in­ter­est in them and turn my back on them.

You see. I am one of the lucky ones, be­cause I can and be­cause I am lazy.

I don’t drive. I don’t pay bills. I haven’t got a clue how much we pay for gas and elec­tric­ity. It is be­yond me to buy any­thing on­line and when peo­ple start talk­ing about Twit­ter, Face­book and the like ... I just switch off..

And why would any­one want to take a ‘selfie’ – surely they know what they look like.

My wife of al­most 50 years on the other hand is a dab hand at 21st Cen­tury life.

And that is why I am lucky ... and lazy.

It is so easy for me to say: “You do it. You are bet­ter than me. I can’t be do­ing with all this malarky.”

When we were ‘court­ing’ she used to cy­cle to see me be­cause the chain had come off my bike and I couldn’t put it on.

I did at­tempt to drive. I passed my test at the sixth go but I can’t tell my left from my right. I would sig­nal left and turn the other way.

Not good.

I once drove from York­shire to Nor­folk think­ing our old car we had hadn’t got much ‘go’ in it. I then dis­cov­ered I hadn’t taken the hand­brake off.

As the years went by I was happy to take a back seat – not lit­er­ally, of course, that would be push­ing my luck – when it came to driv­ing.

Thanks to my wife I have been able to turn my back on new tech­nol­ogy, on­line bank­ing etc.

I have to use a lap­top for work but I am in­debted to Paul Betts of Lak­en­ham, Nor­wich, who looks af­ter me when it goes POP!

The other week the wretched ma­chine went wrong. I took it into his shop. And an­nounced it had “gone bust.” He didn’t say much, just deleted 15,000, yes 15,000, emails.

I apol­o­gised and left ...

The time has come for me to be­come in­volved with on­line this and that and try to climb aboard the HMS New Tech­nol­ogy.

I owe that to my wife and if I was ever left on my own I would be in a spot of bother.

Mean­while, I am now in the su­per­mar­ket, look­ing for my wife who is not an­swer­ing her phone. I shall have to have a word with her.

See you on Face­book in 2019 when I shall be post­ing a selfie of me eat­ing a dough­nut at Great Yar­mouth ... only jok­ing.

The idea of mak­ing New Year’s res­o­lu­tions goes back many years. So many peo­ple start di­ets, or take up gym mem­ber­ship, or stop smok­ing. Do you still make yours? If so, do you keep them? What’s the most suc­cess you have had with a New Year’s res­o­lu­tion?

Let us know by writ­ing to us at Let’s Talk, Prospect House, Rouen Road, Nor­wich, Nor­folk, NR1 1RE or by email to let­[email protected] co.uk

“Now, where is the on and off but­ton?” won­ders Derek.

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