Delusions of grandeur…
DESPITE THE OCCASIONAL CHUCKLE, THIS DARK AGES COMEDY FAILS TO MAKE THE MOST OF ITS CRACKING CAST
THE lights go out completely in director Curtis Vowell’s Dark Ages comedy, which instigates a peasant uprising in an olde worlde England where impromptu banquets steady royal nerves and dissent is met with dismemberment.
Spirited woodcutter Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan) leads this bloodthirsty insurrection against unpopular queen Dagan (Aimee Lou Wood), who inherited the throne from her tyrant father Ur-Nammu (Murray McArthur).
The toppled monarch is gleefully deluded about her predicament and goes on the run with her trusted servant Shulmay (Lolly Adefope) in search of a new army to restore her place on the throne.
Neighbours King Ivarr (Paul Kaye) and King Guthrum (John Macmillan) from across the sea may provide a lifeline.
Sweet and dim-witted dung shoveller, Bobik (Nick Frost) agrees to accompany Dagan and Shulmay on their exhausting 140-mile odyssey to the coast with treacherous royal adviser Leofwine (Jessica Hynes) and two guards in lukewarm pursuit.
En route, the fugitives seek kindness and counsel from the queen’s subjects including Felix the ironmonger (James Acaster) and Witgar the baker (Nitin Ganatra).
Visually and tonally, Seize Them! trudges through similar terrain to Horrible Histories: The Movie – Rotten Romans, albeit with a distinctly adult sense of humour, on-screen bloodletting and a cartload of expletives.
Emmy Award-winning Veep screenwriter Andy Riley’s script urgently requires a grindstone to sharpen the blunt edges of its rapier wit so the film can at least cut the dead air.
For prolonged periods, jokes face-plant into the mud, and when a punchline does land on its feet, the relief is short lived and invariably followed by another uncomfortable silence.
A dizzying array of British and Irish talent with glowing comic credentials are squandered.
Time runs out for Vowell’s picture before the preordained redemption of Wood’s insufferable, petulant head of state, who catches one whiff of revolution and heads for the nearest hills.
Seize Them! is a disappointment by virtue of the proven comic artistry behind and in front of the camera.
In every respect, Dagan’s journey of self-discovery is a slog and the few deserved chuckles including an abortive attempt to throw a dead body off a cliff only heighten the nagging regret about what might have been.
If Vowell’s picture was a court jester, it would be tossed into a dungeon for failing to make merry.
■ In cinemas now