On my mind

Llanelli Star - - News - With Gra­ham Davies

THE best Christ­mas presents are those you need to ex­change for those things you re­ally want. So I have been check­ing some use­ful gifts.

My favourite is the ex­tra strength Grumpy Old Bloke Mints. The writ­ing on the tin prom­ises a grump-free day for the most can­tan­ker­ous se­nior mem­ber of the fam­ily. For those young peo­ple in search for re­lief of the angst of the world is the in­stant boy/girl friend.

Drop this 12-inch replica into a bucket of luke­warm wa­ter and it will ex­pand to six times its size.

For marginalis­ed English peo­ple in lo­cal com­mu­ni­ties in Wales, the busi­ness firm “Change your Iden­tity to Fit In” have pro­duced the highly in­no­va­tive Welsh Ac­cent Breath Spray. Two squirts and you talk like a na­tive.

I am told that these are now be­ing pro­duced for post Brexit refugees from Bri­tain in a num­ber of Eu­ro­pean lan­guage forms.

Wait­ing with arms open is Ger­man Chan­cel­lor Meghan Markle, now a mem­ber of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha fam­ily at the Palace.

Her re­cent mes­sage to the UK was “Vor­sprung durch Tech­nik”, which roughly trans­lated means “You don’t make any­thing, so we won’t miss you. Tschuss”.

How­ever, among Brexit con­cerns is that of the im­pact that it will have on Santa and his trav­els in the fu­ture.

La­p­land, part of Fin­land, is in the EU and he could face ex­ten­sive checks at the bor­der on his goods, re­quire a visa to come in and have to make spe­cial ar­range­ments for the rein­deer who al­ready are be­ing sub­jected to name call­ing, as are other La­p­land vis­i­tors with big shiny noses.

Fi­nally a big seller will be Enid Bly­ton’s “Five try to find a cof­fee shop open in Car­marthen­shire af­ter 6pm” pub­lished by the Tourist Of­fice. All prod­ucts are avail­able in F. Ake stores Pwll.

Fol­low Gra­ham on Twit­[email protected]

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