Calpol and a Tele­tub­bies-loaded iPad should be part of par­ents’ pre-flight checks

DOU­BLE TROU­BLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

Llanelli Star - - FAMILY MATTERS - Richard IRVINE

THE twins have ar­rived back from their first suc­cess­ful for­eign hol­i­day.

It qual­i­fies as a suc­cess be­cause our week in the sun didn’t in­volve a hospital emer­gency de­part­ment and daddy only cried once.

To help oth­ers share in my tri­umph, we’re ex­am­in­ing the foun­da­tions of a for­eign hol­i­day; a suc­cess­ful flight.

1. Ad­min­is­ter a dose of Calpol to your off­spring as soon as you ar­rive at the air­port. This may sound like drug­ging chil­dren, but it is based on sound med­i­cal ad­vice. Their eu­stachian tubes are smaller and more likely to get blocked, re­sult­ing in ear pain at higher al­ti­tudes. There­fore, to avoid a scream­ing child at 30,000 feet, simply give them pain re­lief be­fore you take off.

2. Go on a diet be­fore you’re forced to share a seat with a two-year-old. They do fly free, but Emma spent her first flight wedged be­tween my stom­ach and the seat in front.

Although Vic­to­ria’s dad said, ‘she looked hap­pi­est with me be­cause she was using my big tummy as a nice soft pil­low’, in what I in­ter­preted to be help­ful rather than in­sult­ing.

3. Dress light; It’s very hot work as there’s a lot of dis­man­tling bug­gies, lifting cases, tow­ing bags and chas­ing tod­dlers.

I’d rec­om­mend a pair of small shorts and a vest top for both men and women (along with suit­able un­der­wear; no­body wants to be ar­rested on day one of the hol­i­day).

Let the fel­low pas­sen­gers judge you, they’ll un­der­stand when they watch you car­ry­ing a two-year-old up the plane steps with a ruck­sack on your back, tow­ing a travel bag.

4. You can’t con­trol this but

hope you’re seated with an older crowd. Pen­sion­ers have seen it all be­fore and ap­pre­ci­ate the chal­lenges of life.

They’re more un­der­stand­ing if a small child reaches over, tears a book out of their hands and throws it on the floor.

Worst case sce­nario is a drunk stag party, who are ter­ri­ble at child­care.

5. Do not place tod­dlers on the con­veyor belt to go through the se­cu­rity scan­ner in a mis­guided at­tempt at be­ing funny.

6. Travel with an elec­tronic de­vice pre-loaded with a favourite TV programme. We had emer­gency Tele­tub­bies ready to go if it all kicked off.

7. Don’t buy books or mag­a­zines; you won’t be able to read them. 8. Fi­nally, re­mem­ber it’s your hol­i­day as well as theirs, so travel with rel­a­tives. Cru­cially, leave your wal­let in a piece of in­ac­ces­si­ble hand lug­gage so they feel du­ty­bound to pay for over­priced in­flight drinks and food, while you make a show of strug­gling with a child.

Never mind pass­ports... have you down­loaded enough Tinky Winky?

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