On my mind

WHEN the Romans conquered Jerusalem in 63BC, Pompey the Great entered into the inner sanctum of the Temple, the Holy of Holies.

The historian Tacitus states that Pompey had a bit of a shock when he found there was nothing there – only the Presence of God.

He would have had a bigger shock if it had been the nave of Rochester Cathedral and he entered the “fairway to heaven”, a mini golf course to tee up the millennials in the community and get them to appreciate a Holy in One.

In Norwich cathedral the newly-installed Helter Skelter, obscuring the ascension of Jesus in the amazing west window, helps worshippers reflect on the ups and down of life.

The absurdity sounds as if it came straight out of the recently published “Field Guide to the English Clergy”, a genuine insight into the weird antics of the clergy in the past which includes excommunicating a cat for mousing on Sundays and dressing up as a mermaid.

Rumours are that the Rochester experiment is to be replicated in Carmarthenshire churches. Many have long replaced the organ with bass bins and the incense with a whiff of a flat white, but the Rev T Rendy Buoy of the new “Pimms and Hymns” church in Llanelli has other ideas.

Using the emojified Bible, a Bouncy Pulpit and live streaming the sermon to the congregation (his latest got 100 “likes”) enabling them to keep their heads down, the church aims to appeal to the Burry estuary trinity of sacred items in the locality – dog, boat and bike.

As well as the traditional hatch, match and despatch you can now get your dog baptised, your boat blessed and your bike renewed – allegedly.

So glad I am a Christian Marxist postmillennial neo-orthodox hermit.